Conjuring

by: Rari Coss

Rated NC-17

Conjuring

Ethan was sick of Giles' brooding. He slammed into his apartment only to find Giles once again sitting by the window, staring out into the darkness. "Ripper, get up, let's go. There's a gathering tonight."

Giles turned to look at Ethan. "Ethan, why would I go to a gathering with you?"

"Because it's better than sitting here in this flat night after night."

"No one's asking you to sit here. I'm perfectly fine."

"No, you're not. You're brooding."

Giles shot Ethan an exasperated stare. "Ethan, just go away."

Ethan grabbed Giles' coat. "Come on, it will do you good."

Giles stayed put. "Those gatherings are nothing but a group of frustrated bitter old men trying to pretend they're young and powerful again."

"Maybe it's escaped your attention but you are a frustrated bitter old man. And no matter how little you've practiced I know you still have your power. I can feel it. Time to dust it off and take it out for a run."

Giles just looked at Ethan but he didn't respond. He turned his head to look back outside.

Ethan let out a frustrated noise. "Rupert. You never go out. You don't see any of your friends anymore except for me and that's just because I'm a stubborn son of a bitch. You haven't even looked for a job. Ever since you arrived from Sunnydale you stay locked up in your flat, instead of enjoying your freedom." Ethan moved to sit on the coffee table across from Giles. "If you miss her so much go back. Although why you would want to is beyond me. All she did was make your life miserable. Good riddance to bad news is what I say."

Giles' voice was full of warning. "Ethan."

Ethan didn't care. "Come on Ripper. You need to get out. You need to stretch your wings a little. What's a little magic between friends? It will distract you."

"It's the wrong kind of distraction Ethan, you know that."

"No, you know that. It always works for me. And you need some distraction before you wither up and die." He held out Giles' jacket. "Come on, let's go."

"Ethan, I mean it. Go away. I don't want you here. I didn't ask for your help."

"If I waited until you asked it would be too late." He looked at Giles with annoyance and spoke a short incantation.

Giles looked up at Ethan, his eyebrows high and a look of amusement on his face. "Are you trying to compel me to go?"

Ethan grinned. "Only a little. It's nothing you can't resist if you really don't want to go but if you're at all interested it will make it easier to say yes. Come on, let's go have some fun."

Giles pursed his lips and let out a long breath. Then he stood and grabbed his coat from Ethan. "If I go tonight will you leave me alone?"

"If that's what you want."

"Fine, let's go." Shutting the light off behind him Giles followed Ethan out the door.


***
Giles groaned as the sun hit his face. His head was pounding and he thought he might throw up. He muttered. "God, I wish I was dead." As he heard those words out loud he laughed bitterly. There was a little too much truth in them.

He opened his eyes and saw that he was back in his flat. He had no idea how he'd gotten there. For his peace of mind he was going to assume it had been Ethan who had brought him home. Giles had done too much magic too fast and after his long hiatus it had gone right to his head.

Giles groaned again when he thought of how he'd spent the evening. And with whom he'd spent it. He hated that he felt lonely and vulnerable enough to have allowed Ethan to drag him out. And he hated that the magic still held such allure for him, even after all this time. Thoughts of Willow filled his mind. He understood what she was going through all too well. Magic called to magic, it called to one's blood, like the sirens of Greek myth sang to sailors causing them to leap overboard to their death.

He had spoken to Willow of those with power; of those who also could have brought Buffy back from the dead. Of those whom she would not want to meet. He had spent time with a couple of them last night. Trust Ethan to have created a group of extraordinarily powerful magicians of very questionable ethics. That he had partaken of rituals with men such as these made Giles feel soiled. And yet the power had been heady, and a part of him had been gratified to see that he was by no means the weakest of the group. His power had sung strongly last night. And even now it was pulling him.

Using magic to save Buffy or to fight evil hadn't woken this longing in him. The focus had been altruistic, not for his own pleasure. But last night had been just about pleasure. Getting lost in the rush, losing inhibitions, feeling free of all the emotional baggage that cluttered his mind day in and day out, feeling free of his desperate feelings for Buffy.

Giles groaned again as he thought of her. He had only been away from Buffy for a couple of months but it felt like years. All he wanted was one day when he didn't think of her. One day when he might feel as if he could actually build a life without her, find a way to get past the misery in his heart.

The news he kept hearing from Anya didn't help. Buffy was still unhappy, still not coping particularly. Things weren't quite patched up between Buffy and the rest of them. Dawn was still skidding towards juvenile hall and Anya was sure that Buffy was sleeping with Spike. And Buffy never spoke with him. Nor would she take his calls. She never answered the phone at home and he could sometimes hear her in the background instructing Dawn to tell him that she wasn't home.

He had gone too far this time by leaving her. He didn't think that going back was even an option. She hated him now for leaving her and he couldn't even blame her. Giles knew the real reason he had left and it had very little to do with wanting her to learn how to live on her own. It had to do with him surviving.

In a way her death had been easier. He could grieve and move on, only half of what he had once been, but still, he could move on. But then she had come back and once confronted with her all his longings and feelings for her had grown exponentially inside of him until they started taking him over.

In the short time they had spent together he had felt himself changing. He had felt himself allowing her to rule him, his decisions controlled by his need to be with her, to make her happy, to be what she needed him to be. And who he was, the man he was, was shrinking inside. In time he'd have become little more than one of Glory's minions, worshipping Buffy from afar, willing to accept whatever little dregs of affection she chose to send his way.

So he had run. He had run as fast as he could and even 8000 miles away, it didn't feel far enough. She called to him, just like the magic did and he felt ragged inside. Giles was beginning to feel that too much of him was hers now to ever get it back, to ever feel whole again.

The nausea surged and Giles ran for the bathroom. Sitting on the bathroom floor he muttered again. "God, how I wish I were dead." And he knew that too much of him really felt that way.

All day long he tried to stay busy. He tried not to think about Buffy and he tried not to think about magic. He cleaned his flat, and read the newspaper, even the want ads, and he went for a walk. Giles was determined to move on, to build a life for himself. But when Ethan showed up at his flat again that night, Giles picked up his coat and went with him.


***
Every night he went with Ethan and every day he hated himself more. But the magic was the only thing that made him forget about Buffy and thinking about her hurt too much. Especially as she still wouldn't talk to him. And the visuals that accompanied his thoughts about her and Spike being together were tearing him apart.

They had done some conjuring last night. And for the few minutes that Giles had been possessed he had felt truly free. Free of the responsibility of his life, of making decisions, of slogging through every day as if it meant something to him. Giles knew this was dangerous ground. It was this that had gotten Randall killed, this that had allowed Eyghon to kill so many people and almost kill Buffy. But Buffy was safe and out of reach and Giles was finding it hard to care about the rest of it.

And he was deciding that the few minutes of last night had not been enough time. Giles sat at his kitchen table drinking a cup of tea flipping through a book that he had pilfered from Ethan. This was the book Ethan always used for conjuring. The spell for Eyghon was in here, as was the spell from last night. The trick, Giles was sure, was in doing research. Knowing a little bit about the demon, more than what this book told you. Giles had a sizable library that would help him do just that. A small part of Giles, the part of him that was staid and sensible was screaming at him, but Giles ignored it and kept turning pages.

***
Ethan could sense the magic brewing before he even opened the door. He grinned. Ripper was back in full force. Opening the door he stuck his head in. "Ripper?"

"Ah, Ethan, just in time."

"Planning on skipping the gathering tonight?"

"I thought we'd work on our own. You don't mind, do you?"

Ethan walked over to where Giles was drawing sigils on the floor. He scowled when he saw what they were. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Giles looked up from the floor. "Why are you asking me that? You know what this is."

Ethan crouched down. "Yes, I do. And again I ask, what the bloody hell are you doing?"

"I find that question amusing coming from you."

"I agree, it is somewhat ironic that I'm being the cautious one here but even in your most adventurous days as Ripper you'd never try this without at least five of us, one to be the vessel and the other four to guard the four quarters. And you want to do this with just the two of us?"

"I've put up wards. We'll be safe enough."

Ethan snorted. "We'll be safe enough?" He leaned a little closer. "What's going on with you?"

Giles rolled his eyes. "You're the one who said I needed a distraction."

Ethan's eyebrows rose high on his head. "From life? You need a distraction from being alive?" Ethan might not always act like it, but even he had learned a few lessons after Eyghon, especially after that debacle in Sunnydale. That had been a little too close for comfort. Giles didn't answer him or look at him. Ethan put out a hand and turned Giles' face towards him and he blanched at the emptiness he saw there. He tried again. "Rupert, even I know this isn't something to take lightly."

Giles just shook his head. "I know what I'm doing. I'm stronger than I was back then; you are too. And I haven't chosen anything particularly heinous." He turned the book so Ethan could see what he was intending. "We can do this."

Ethan sat down, frowning. "This is my book and I don't remember loaning it to you." Glancing at Giles he was surprised to find that he felt a little out of his depth. "I see I've created a Frankenstein." He let out a breath. "She hasn't called, has she?"

Giles tightened his lips and tersely shook his head. "I haven't spoken to her at all."

"God, she's a bitch, isn't she?"

Giles looked up at that, his eyes angry. "Don't speak of her that way."

"Oh, come on, Rupert. What kind of friend was she? See, that's the problem, she wasn't ever a friend. She was your Slayer; it was a business relationship. And as far as she's concerned, out of sight, out of mind. You left, you're out. That's not friendship and you need to stop fooling yourself. She doesn't give a shit."

Giles looked away but not before Ethan saw the sadness there in his eyes. "She's young, she's troubled."

"You mean, she is trouble." He put up his hand to stop Giles from responding. "Okay, I'll stop badmouthing the poor little thing." He tapped the book. "How far do you think you can run with this? You'll still be here; you'll still be Rupert Giles when it's done. This is only a temporary solution."

Giles turned his bleak eyes on Ethan. "It's more than I have now."

"Will you stop calling her if I stay?" When Giles didn't answer he asked again. "Will you at least think about it? Every time you call she hurts you again, ripping off the scab. You'll never get past this if you keep calling. It's time to let go."

Giles glanced at Ethan and he gave a brief nod. Ethan wasn't sure if Giles had agreed to not call Buffy, or to simply think about it but it was enough for him. Ethan stood and shrugged off his jacket then took his place on the floor. "I assume you want to go first?"

Giles nodded. "I think I'd better. Just in case I've miscalculated." He gestured to the chair across the room. "If things go wrong…"

Ethan looked over and saw the crossbow. "I'm not killing you."

"We killed Randall."

"That was different. I'm not killing you." He leaned back against the couch. "Just don't fuck up or we're both dead. Clear?" Giles nodded. Ethan tried one more time. "We can still go, we can still join the others."

Giles shook his head. "I can't. It's not enough, not for me, not anymore."

Ethan let out a long breath. "Right then. Get in the pentagram, I'll close it behind you."


***
The demon was far from heinous. Actually Ethan found that he was enjoying himself. The demon didn't even try and get out of the pentagram but rather seemed perfectly happy sitting there in Giles' body and just chatting, getting caught up on what was going on in the world, discussing historical events and even sharing a killer recipe for baklava. Ethan was almost sorry to banish him when the time was up.

Giles experienced the momentary disorientation when the demon left his body. After it passed he grinned at Ethan. "I knew we could do it."

"How did you know he'd be safe?"

"That's where my Watcher training comes in handy. Many of these demons aren't evil. But this book was written by someone who didn't know the difference and just assumed anything not human had to be evil."

Ethan pursed his lips. "So, there are a bunch of these characters in this book?"

Giles nodded. "Many demons have been banished who never should have been. Many who deserved to live, who would have lived good lives, lives of meaning if someone filled with fear and ignorance and a little power hadn't come across them."

"So, why have I never heard of them?"

"These that I've chosen are a little tame for a gathering. There's not much written about them, nothing that might pique your interest if you were looking for an evening of hedonistic fun and mayhem." He looked at Ethan. "Your turn?"

Ethan shook his head. "No, not tonight. I want to go try out this recipe." He grinned. "I love baklava." He cocked his head to the side. "Could you hear? Were you there?"

Giles nodded. "Just barely. Just enough to know I didn't need to worry." Just enough to know that he didn't need to care, that he could check out and embrace oblivion for a short period of time.

Ethan caught something in Giles' voice that he didn't like but he couldn't put his finger on it. Giles' was up to something. "You won't do this without me, right?"

Giles shook his head. "I can't. I need you to close the pentagram."

Ethan looked at Giles not believing him. If Giles wanted to do this on his own he'd figure out a way. "Don't do this on your own."

"I won't."

"I mean it."

"I won't." He grinned at Ethan. "You sound like me."

Ethan snorted. "I know. I feel like an old woman." With that he stood. "Tomorrow night?"

Giles nodded. "Tomorrow night."


***
The phone rang and Buffy looked up from the dinner table. She didn't move to answer it. Dawn rolled her eyes and got up. "Hello?" She paused. "Oh hey Jennifer. Can I call you back? We're in the middle of dinner. Okay, bye." She hung up.

Buffy pushed the food around on her plate. Dawn sat back down. "It wasn't Giles, just in case you didn't guess."

Willow looked concerned. "He hasn't called in a while, has he?"

Buffy scowled. "A month, he hasn't called in a month." Thirty-two days to be exact.

Dawn rolled her eyes again. "You told me to tell him to stop calling."

"Yeah, but that didn't mean he was supposed to stop calling."

Willow scrunched her face up. "Maybe he didn't know that. Maybe he thought stop calling meant stop calling."

Dawn brandished her fork at her sister. "Besides, why do you care? You never spoke to him, even when he was calling every other day. For two months he called and you never talked to him. I had to be the bad guy and tell him you weren't here when I know he could hear you talking. I'm not doing it anymore."

Willow was still concerned. "Maybe we should call him. Maybe something's wrong. I mean if something happened to him how would we know?"

Buffy slunk down lower in her chair. She had depended on his calls. Even if she didn't speak to him, his calls made her feel connected to him. His calls brought him into the house for a few minutes. She had known that if she wanted to she could speak to him the next time he called. It never crossed her mind that he would just stop. She'd just been trying to make sure he knew she was good and hurt. Which she had been. But now she was miserable. Now it felt like he was really gone.

Willow asked again. "Buffy, have you tried to call him?"

Buffy shook her head. "I know Anya talks to him. She'd find out if something happened to him."

Willow looked at Buffy with some surprise. "Don't you care about him anymore?"

"Of course I care. I was just answering your question about how we would find out. Anya would find out. That's all I was saying."

"So, why haven't you called him?"

Buffy shook her head. "I don't know what to say. I want him here; he wants to be there. End of discussion."

"Well, it might make him feel good to know that we were thinking of him." She looked at her watch and frowned. "It's the middle of the night there now. Maybe I'll call him later." She sat back. "A month? He hasn't called in a month? I had no idea that much time had gone by. I hope he's okay."

Dawn chimed in. "He's okay. I talked to him last week."

Buffy glared at her. "He called? He called and you didn't tell me?"

"He didn't call here. He called the shop. He calls there once a week to talk to Anya. I just made sure I was there. I miss him." She glared at Buffy. "Unlike some people I know."

Buffy got up quickly and left the room afraid she might break down and cry. Willow had seen the sheen of tears, though. She looked at Dawn. "She misses him, Dawn. She misses him more than the rest of us put together."

"Well, she sure has a funny way of showing it."

"He hurt her when he left. It's weird when you love someone and hate them all at the same time. It does weird things to your head."

"Well, I just wish he'd come back. She was better when he was around."

"I think he made her feel safe in a way none of us do. She's just floundering a little right now. She'll be okay."

Dawn looked dubious but she didn't respond and just finished her dinner.


***
Buffy sat out on the back porch. A month. Somehow it broke her heart that everyone was talking to him except for her. Even though she knew it was her fault, that she had driven him away, again. Permanently, it looked like. Maybe she should call him. She wanted to. She wanted to hear his voice, to hear his soft chuckle, to hear his concern for her. Now that she couldn't hear it, she longed for it. She longed for him. She heard footsteps and she rolled her eyes. "Not now, Spike."

"You always say that, and then before you know it, it's now, Spike, now." Spike grinned.

Buffy scowled at him but she surprised him when she patted the step next to her, inviting him to sit down. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." He sat down.

"You know a while ago when I told you that I kissed you because I was missing Giles?"

"Yeah?"

"And you said that you wondered about the two of us?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you mean by that?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"Does it matter? Just answer the question."

"Okay, don't get your knickers in a twist. All I meant was that the way you two acted around each other, I wouldn't have been surprised if you'd been shagging."

"What do you mean? The way we were together?"

Spike scowled. "I don't know. Like one picked up where the other left off. Like you could finish each other's sentences, like he always knew when you were down and out. I don't know, stuff." He scowled again. "Not to mention how he almost pushed me through a bookshelf when he thought I was coming on to you." Spike had to admit that he had been glad when the Watcher had gone. It had left things a bit more open for him.

"I wish he had. I wish he had pushed you through that bookshelf right into daylight."

"Well, fuck you too, Slayer. You know you have this annoying habit of blaming everyone else for the decisions you make. I didn't rape you, you know."

"Go away, Spike."

Spike looked at her and his face softened. "What's the matter, Slayer?"

"I miss Giles." Her voice was thick with the tears she was trying not to spill.

"Well, I can fix that. The last time you were missing him you kissed me, remember? So, come on, I'm willing to go again."

She looked at him, too distraught to be disgusted. "It won't work this time." She rested her head on her knees.

Spike watched her for a minute and he could see that indeed, it wouldn't work this time. She was too far-gone in her misery. He stood up. "Well, when you finally figure out that he's gone for good, you know where I'll be."

Buffy lifted her head at that. "Spike, I won't be back. It's done."

Spike pursed his lips. "You know, I've heard that before." He grinned. "You'll be back." With that he sauntered off.

Buffy shook her head and spoke softly. "No, I won't." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. It had Giles' telephone number on it. Buffy had been carrying it around for two weeks. She'd almost called him a dozen times a day. Buffy just couldn't imagine what she would say. She wasn't ready to forgive him; the pain of his leaving her was still too sharp. But she couldn't bear to not have him be a part of her life. So how do you have a conversation like that? Tell him that he needed to call so she could make sure that he knew she was still hurt? She couldn't just chat with him, she couldn't pretend it didn't matter that he was choosing to live so far away from her. She didn't want to hear about his new life, about how he was moving on.

What she wanted to tell him he didn't want to hear. He needed to come home. He needed to be with her. She thought about what Spike had said. That where Giles had left off she had picked up, or vice versa. Buffy had never consciously thought about it but that was a good way of putting it. The problem was that now where she left off there was no one to pick up the slack. She was just incomplete. And now, without his calls, she was adrift. She wrapped her arms around her knees and laid her head down again. As she sat there all she could think about was how much she wished he were there.


***
Over the next month Ethan and Giles conjured eighteen demons and during that time Giles just stopped calling Buffy. Some of them were banished quickly because they were utter bores, or not as benign as they had thought. But the majority of them had been good company. Giles had quizzed Ethan at some length as to who his favorite had been. Now that he knew, Giles was planning on reconjuring him tonight.

Ethan had gone along with the conjuring mostly because he didn't know how to stop Giles from doing it, and because while they were doing it Giles had stopped calling Buffy. It's not that he didn't enjoy it but he couldn't shake the idea that Giles was up to something but he couldn't figure out what it was. Giles had been right, the conjuring had been easy and the two of them were handling it fine. But as the days ticked by Ethan found himself getting nervous. Call it intuition or just their long years of friendship but Ethan knew something was up.

Nothing seemed out of order tonight. The sigils on the floor were the same. Giles seemed a tad distracted but nothing that couldn't be explained by too much magic and not enough sleep. Ethan watched him closely as he stepped into the circle. "Maybe we should not do this tonight."

Giles looked at Ethan, a flash of alarm crossing his face before he could school his expression into one of studied indifference. "Why? Do you have someplace to go?"

Ethan had seen the flash of alarm. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing. Nothing. I just thought you would like to visit with Zurvan again. Was I wrong?"

"Maybe we should just take a break. You know, just go do something, maybe get dinner, see a movie."

"If you don't want to stay Ethan, you don't have to."

Ethan looked down at Giles' hands. They were clenched tightly at his side. He didn't know what to do anymore. It was as if his friend was slipping away. "Rupert…"

Giles interrupted him. "Just tonight. Just one more time. Then we can stop. All right?"

Against his better judgment Ethan nodded his head. "One more time." After closing the pentagram behind Giles he began the incantation calling Zurvan forth.

Ethan didn't speak with him long. He knew Giles wouldn't be happy about it but Ethan wanted this last time over. As he reached for the book that held the spell that would banish the demon again, Zurvan spoke. "The owner of this body wishes to speak with you."

Ethan sat up straight, his eyebrows high. "Rupert?" In a moment Ethan could see that Giles was back in control, the familiar gaze staring at him. "What is it?"

Giles smiled softly. "We've had a good run, haven't we? You and I."

Ethan let out a half laugh. "That we have, Ripper, that we have."

"We've been friends a long time and in some ways you know me better than anyone."

Ethan's heart started to beat a little faster. "What is this about?"

"I'm tired Ethan."

"So, let me end this, you can get some rest."

Giles shook his head. "No, that's not the kind of rest I need. I'm tired to my bones, I'm tired of my life."

"Rupert…"

"Thank you for trying to help. I just think he'll do a better job with it. Maybe he'll do a better job making something worthwhile out of it." He softly smiled again. "And at least I know he'll keep you entertained, probably better than I could."

Ethan's heart was racing now. "What the hell are you doing?" Giles began an incantation. Ethan let out a cry and lunged for his book beginning his own incantation, the one to banish Zurvan.

Giles finished first and Ethan watched as the familiar gaze of his friend vanished. Ethan finished his incantation but it achieved nothing. Giles' body was still there but Zurvan looked out of his eyes. Ethan stared at him accusingly. "Where the hell is he? What did you do to him?"

Zurvan lifted his hands to look at them. "This was unexpected. He has bound me. Bound me to this body."

"Bring him back." Ethan moved closer and yelled. "God damn it, Ripper. What the fuck are you doing?" He looked at Zurvan, his eyes desperate. "Where is he? Is he still there?"

Zurvan closed his eyes for a moment. "His essence is still here, it is tied to this body, but he is not consciously aware."

Ethan covered his face with his hands. "Fuck." He stood. "Fuck. How could I be so stupid?" He crouched down right outside the pentagram so his eyes were level with Zurvan. "Wake him up. Make him listen."

Zurvan shook his head. "He has already chosen." Again he lifted his hands. "He has given me his body. He has given me life." Zurvan accessed Giles' memories. "He had no further use for it."

Ethan cursed and stood again. "How do I unbind you?"

Zurvan stood as well, slowly, as if to familiarize himself with his new vessel. "You cannot. Only he can."

"So, how do I speak with him?"

"You cannot, unless he chooses to speak with you. And he is not aware enough to do that."

"How do I make him more aware?"

"I do not know the answer to that. Why do you fight this? It is what he wanted. Do you not wish to honor the choice your friend has made?"

"No, I do not wish to bloody honor the choice he made. It was a bad choice. He wasn't right, he wasn't thinking right."

"His thinking was quite sound. He knew what he wanted and he set out to achieve it."

"This isn't what he wanted. This is just how he chose to cope."

"He seemed to believe that you knew him well."

"Not well enough, obviously." Ethan could have kicked himself. He had known something was up.

"People do get weary of life. But instead of ending his he has simply passed it along. Where is the harm in that?"

"The harm is that he is my friend and I am not ready for him to pass his God damn life to anyone."

Zurvan shrugged. He looked down at his shoulders and shrugged again. "This movement, it seems to fit with the occasion but what does it mean?"

"It can mean many things. Why?"

"I would like to understand how to use this body."

"Don't get too comfortable."

"It would seem that despite your unhappiness with the situation that your friend has made his decision quite clear." He looked down at the floor. "Will you remove the pentagram?"

Ethan shook his head. "No. You're not going anywhere."

"This body has needs. It cannot stay in here indefinitely."

"Well, when that body starts getting uncomfortable enough maybe he'll start to notice."

Zurvan looked down at the lines surrounding him. He closed his eyes and his body began to shimmer. Ethan backed away. Still shimmering Zurvan simply stepped over the lines. Once across the lines his body firmed up again. Ethan stared at him. "How the hell did you do that?"

"I was a destiny demon when I was alive. I controlled many roads. I simply chose another road where I was not contained."

"You could have done that at any time?"

"Yes, but this body had not been given to me at that time. I would not have presumed to use it in such a fashion."

Ethan went to stand in front of the door. "You can't leave. I won't let you leave." If he left, his friend was as good as gone.

"You cannot stop me but I will not leave quite yet. I have much to learn before I venture outside. The world has changed greatly." He walked slowly to the window and looked outside. "It has been a thousand years since I have been free to walk the earth." He continued to stare out the window. "This body has much knowledge. It will be useful."

"This body belongs to my friend. You'll have to give it back."

"I do not understand why you cannot accept what has been done. He has simply chosen another road."

Ethan gritted his teeth as he spit the words out. "He is my friend. He is important to me. Can't you understand that?"

"I understand the words but I am unfamiliar with the concept. Perhaps when I have reviewed this body's memories I will be more able to understand your distress."

Ethan didn't want to talk to him anymore. His mind was racing furiously trying to figure out what to do. He had no idea how long he had until Zurvan felt ready to leave and he had no idea how he could stop him. It would probably be just as easy for him to do that shimmery thing and choose a road where Ethan wasn't blocking the door. "Fuck." Ethan slumped against the door and let his head fall back, hard, against the wood.


***
Ethan was pouring through every book Giles had hoping he would find something he could use. Zurvan was still at the window. Every time Ethan looked at him he could feel his frustration rise again. He could barely stand to see his friend and yet know that it wasn't him, that it might never be him again. If it came to that he supposed it would be easier to just let Zurvan go.

Ethan lifted his eyes from his book and ran a hand through his hair. He was still sick at the thought that he had missed it. He'd known how unhappy Giles had been. But it never crossed his mind that Giles would do something desperate like this. And Ethan felt that he should have known, that he should have figured it out in time to stop him.

He saw Zurvan start to move. "Where the hell are you going?"

Zurvan turned to look at him. "I seem to want…some tea. I have reviewed the procedures and I feel that this is a task I can perform." He headed slowly into the kitchen. Zurvan stood there for a moment getting a sense for everything and then he lifted the kettle and shook it to ascertain how much water was in it. He added some more and then put it back on the stove, turning on the burner. He turned to Ethan. "I must say, this method of heating takes much less effort than the way it used to be." As he opened the cabinet he spoke again. "Would you like some tea?"

Ethan closed his eyes. It felt obscene to watch this being in Giles' kitchen, making tea, asking the same question that Giles had asked Ethan thousands of times, but have it not be him. His voice was thick when he answered. "No. No tea." He cleared his throat. "Zurvan?"

Zurvan looked at him. "Yes?"

"Will you fight me on this? You know that I am going to try and find a way to unbind you. If I find it, will you fight me?"

He shook his head. "No, I will not fight you. If it is my destiny to remain in this body then I will. If it is not, then I won't. I will assist you if I am able. I begin to understand this term friend. You were also his friend." He frowned. "Your relationship was quite complicated."

Ethan barked out a laugh. "That's a good word for it, complicated."

"There are many emotions inside of this body, many emotions regarding you. Much of what I feel inside is disappointment. Disappointment that you two drifted apart, that you chose different paths. You were quite important to him."

Ethan felt an unexpected prick of tears behind his eyelids. He spoke softly. "He was important to me too."

The kettle began to whistle and Zurvan returned to his task. Moving slowly and carefully he poured the hot water in the teapot and placed the tea within to steep. "This is a soothing ritual, is it not?"

"Rupert thought so." Ethan sighed. "I guess I will have tea." He paused. "Seeing as you're so willing to help, do you have any suggestions?"

Zurvan thought for a minute. "No, he is even farther away now. I can barely sense him. I do not know what it will take to bring him back." He shook his head. "This emotion, this heaviness in the heart and body. This is sadness?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Because he felt so much of it. It is all around his memories."

"You've never felt sad before?"

"Emotions were of little use to us in our duties."

Ethan moved into the kitchen as well. He gestured towards the teapot. "You better check that. He doesn't like it to steep too long."

"Ah, thank you." Zurvan turned back and opened the teapot to investigate. He looked to Ethan for a second opinion.

Ethan nodded. "That's good." He leaned against the counter. "What was he so sad about?"

"So many things but mostly a young woman. I believe her name is Buffy."

Ethan slammed his hand down on the counter. "Buffy. Jesus, it always comes back to her, doesn't it? I wish he'd never met her. I always knew she'd kill him one way or the other." Suddenly his eyes widened. "Buffy." Ethan ran to Giles' desk looking for an address book. When he found it he flipped through it but she wasn't in it. He looked all over the desk looking through scraps of paper, anything that might indicate how to reach her. When he came up empty he picked up the phone. Working with an international operator he was finally connected with information only to find out that Buffy Summers' phone number was unlisted. He slammed the phone down and sat back in his chair. After a moment he spoke. "Zurvan?"

Zurvan walked around to hand Ethan his cup of tea. "You like it plain, I think. Is that correct?"

"Yes, thank you. I need your…his wallet. It's in your back pocket."

Zurvan reached behind and wrestled with the object. He handed it to Ethan. "Is this what you require?"

Ethan took it. "Yes." He started pulling all the contents out and finally he let out a cry of triumph. He looked at a clock. Midnight. Perfect. Middle of the afternoon in Sunnydale, the store would still be open. Pulling the phone closer he began to dial.