It had happened so easily that Giles still didn't trust it. But he had been so in love with her that he'd been powerless to be the voice of reason.
Shortly after Joyce had died Buffy had asked Giles to move in. She had felt so lost and overwhelmed and he was there almost every night as it was. Dawn had seconded the request and Giles had allowed himself to be persuaded. Buffy needed financial assistance and part of his salary had always been to help support his Slayer, so moving in and picking up the bills seemed the easiest and certainly the most economical of ways to achieve that. It also allowed him the reassurance of her safety every night, being there when she got in. And if it also allowed him to simply be near her, he kept that to himself, just as he had for a long time.
He put most of his belongings in storage and moved into Joyce's bedroom with essentially his clothes, his books and a few of his favorite knick-knacks. Living with Buffy accounted for almost everything that was truly important to him so the rest of it didn't matter. Buffy and Dawn both seemed relieved to have him there. He and Dawn found their stride with one another fairly easily. Having a real adult in the house had calmed a part of Dawn that she hadn't even realized was so out of whack. Her life felt back in control, as in control as her life could be.
They lived this way for several months. And the longer Buffy and Giles lived together the more the lines blurred. In addition to talking about the latest demon and if Buffy was still lifting her shoulder when she threw a left punch, they now discussed who was picking up the milk on the way home, if they should repaint the living room, and who was best suited to help Dawn with her latest homework assignment. Giles was also able to help Buffy with an occasional class assignment, care for her wounds every night, wake her up from her nightmares, and help her work through her ongoing frustration with her life. He'd also been there to pick up the pieces after Glory. The fight with Glory had been fierce. Dawn had almost been sacrificed, and Buffy had been seriously injured. Buffy's physical hurts had healed but she was having persistent nightmares.
This particular night, the three of them were watching a video, an old Fred Astaire musical, Giles on a chair and Buffy and Dawn curled up on the couch. As the credits started to roll Giles looked over and saw that Buffy was asleep. Her sleep had been scanty at best lately because of the nightmares and Giles was grateful for any peaceful moments Buffy found to close her eyes and rest.
Giles caught Dawn's attention and put his fingers to his lips. Dawn nodded and carefully rose from the couch so as not to awaken her sister. Dawn had heard the cries, and seen the dark shadows under Buffy's eyes as well. She walked over to Giles and whispered. "Should we leave her down here?"
Giles considered for a moment and then he nodded. "I hate to move her, I'm afraid she'll wake up. I'll get her settled in down here." He looked at his watch and started. "Good heavens, it's late, go on up to bed." He gave Dawn a kiss on the forehead.
She nodded and headed upstairs after giving Giles a smile and casting one last glance at Buffy. Giles reached for the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch and gently covered Buffy with it. Then he went back to his chair and just sat there, watching her, committing her to memory again as he had a thousand times already. He loved her so much it frightened him sometimes, a part of him always fighting the fear of losing her. Losing her to her slaying, to time, to another man.
Giles smiled at the irony in that thought. He felt as if he was married to Buffy, that is if the fact that their relationship was still platonic was overlooked. Which was not the way he wanted it but he had no intention of forcing his attentions on her. He was not without hope. Sometimes he thought he caught her looking at him, or felt her hesitate as they headed up the stairs for bed, as if a part of her felt that she belonged at his side at the end of the day. But she had yet to make that move, and Giles was prepared to wait. He was also prepared for her to never make that decision. Living this way was almost enough. Assuming she didn't start dating. Giles didn't think that he could endure watching her with someone else.
Buffy stirred and Giles tried to will her back to sleep. Suddenly she let out a cry and Giles moved to sit next to her, near her head. He gently stroked her hair. "Sshh. It's all right." Buffy settled back down. Giles stayed where he was, now that he was touching her hair he didn't want to stop. He softly stroked her, marveling at the silkiness of her curls, laughing at himself, at how infatuated he was, as if he were a schoolboy.
Buffy let out another cry and jerked herself awake. Giles was stroking her hair and speaking softly to her. She felt his calm, and she found herself overwhelmed with a need for it. Buffy sat up and threw her arms around Giles.
Giles let out a yelp. "My God, Buffy, you startled me. I thought you were asleep." He pulled his hand away from her hair.
Buffy leaned against his chest and let out a small moan. "Don't stop. It felt so good."
Giles smiled down at her and lifted his hand again to continue stroking her, glad that she was enjoying it, relieved that she hadn't minded. "I was hoping you'd sleep a little longer."
Buffy let out a long sigh. "This is good. Waking up from a nightmare to this is…I can live with this."
Giles chuckled silently and Buffy felt his chest vibrate. "I'm glad." He shifted back against the couch and Buffy snuggled in even closer. "Why don't you try and go back to sleep."
He felt Buffy's nod against his chest and listened to her sigh again. He waited for her to move away but she seemed quite content to rest there in his arms and Giles was elated to have her there. As long as Giles was able to stay awake he continued to stroke her hair, but eventually sleep claimed him and they both slept the night away.
Buffy woke up first. She felt a little stiff and realized she was not in her bed. Slowly she remembered the events of last night and it slowly sank in that she was currently sleeping in Giles' arms. Then came the thought that she had slept the entire night without a single nightmare, for the first time in a long time. Buffy recognized that she felt safe and warm and protected and that she didn't want to move. So she didn't.
In time, Giles woke up as well. He had no idea how to extricate himself from Buffy's arms without waking her but after a glance at his watch he knew he had to try or he'd be late to work. His shifting woke Buffy up for the second time and when she felt him leaving she let out a protest. "No, don't get up."
Giles smiled but he continued moving. "It's late. I have to go and open up."
Buffy reluctantly let him go. She stretched and smiled up at him. "You must have some anti-nightmare karma or something."
"No dreams last night?"
She shook her head. "No dreams."
Giles smiled at her. "Good, you needed the sleep." He gestured up the stairs. "I'm going to go take a shower and get ready." At her nod he headed up the stairs. Buffy's gaze followed him until he got upstairs and rounded the corner.
That night Giles was waiting for her, as he always was, when she got home from patrol. He put down his book and she filled him in on the evening's activity. They spoke for a few minutes more and then Giles rose. "Well, I'm tired. I think I'll head up to bed."
Buffy rose too. "Me too."
They headed up the stairs together. As Giles turned towards his bedroom, Buffy followed him. He looked down at her in surprise. "Did you need something, Buffy?"
She smiled up at him. "I think I'll sleep with you tonight. I want another dream free night." Suddenly she squinched her face up. "Sorry, I guess I should have asked. Do you mind?"
Giles couldn't stop the short laugh that escaped him. "No, I don't mind."
Buffy smiled and then she looked down at herself. "Oops, let me get in my pajamas. I'll be right in."
Giles nodded and headed into the bedroom. He picked up his own pajamas and entered the bathroom to change. His heart was slamming in his chest and he needed to get himself under control. Giles looked at himself in the mirror. "She said sleep, so behave." He let out a sigh and slipped out of his clothes and into his pajamas.
When he opened the door she was already in his bed. Giles blew out a breath and walked over. She grinned up at him and flipped down the covers. "Which side do you like to sleep on?"
He pointed to where she was laying. "This side."
Buffy scooted over. "Then I claim this side." Giles gave her a shy grin and he got into bed. An awkward silence reigned. Buffy spoke again. "What do you usually do now?"
Giles looked at her with startled eyes. "I beg your pardon?"
"You know, do you read, or watch TV, or do crossword puzzles? What do you do once you're in bed?"
"Ah, well, I…I usually read."
"Well, don't let me stop you." Buffy lay down and curling up on her side she closed her eyes.
"All right." Giles opened the drawer of his bedside table and drew out a book. He settled back with two pillows behind him and he started reading. He had a hard time concentrating knowing that Buffy was lying next to him. After a while he gave it up and shut off the light. Sure that he would lie awake all night he was surprised when he woke and saw the sun peeking in the window. Looking at the sleeping figure beside him, he smiled. Getting quietly out of bed Giles took his clothes in the bathroom, showered, dressed and left without waking her up.
They spent the next two weeks like that. Every night after Buffy got home they'd chat for a while and then they'd head up to bed. Buffy would crawl in on her side and he on his and they'd go to sleep. Giles often found himself waking with Buffy in his arms, or her arms around him, the two of them having gravitated towards one another while sleeping. His longing for her kept growing, especially now that she was so physically close to him every night and yet still beyond his reach.
She came home from patrol and it had been particularly busy, she had staked several vampires and had to deal with a few demons as well. Spike had shown up and had assisted her. Buffy seemed to have an overflow of adrenalin and she paced the living room as she shared her exploits. She would look up every now and then and find Giles watching her, his eyes dark, as she crossed the room over and over. Buffy found her body warming under that gaze.
After she was done with her report Giles filled her in on Dawn's latest crisis and they'd chuckled softly over it. Finally he rose to head for bed, softly smiling at her. "You don't seem at all tired, but I'm afraid I am. I think I'll go to bed. Just come up when you're sleepy."
Buffy shook her head. "Nah, I'll come up now."
Giles smiled at her. "All right." Once they got in their pajamas Giles picked up his book and began to read. He had found it easier to read with her beside him as the days had passed and he expected nothing different tonight. Giles kept feeling her gaze on him and he looked at her several times and she'd just smile at him. Disconcerted but determined to finish his chapter he went back to his book. After he'd read the same paragraph for the twentieth time he looked over at Buffy. She was staring at him again. His eyes widened. "What?"
"Do you want to make love to me?"
Giles' heart slammed in his chest. He thought about lying but then he didn't see the point. "Yes, yes I do."
"Then would you please?" Giles just looked at her, disbelief in his eyes, not moving a muscle. Buffy moved first, inching over until she was right next to him. "Kiss me?"
That Giles could do, and he hoped the rest of it would naturally follow. He reached out a hand and cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing over her bottom lip. Lowering his head he caught her lips in his and let out an involuntary groan at the contact he had fantasized about for so long.
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and gave herself up to his care, feeling that for once, she was in the right bed, with the right man.
***
And just that easily this part of their relationship changed as well. She slept in his bed from then on, and every night they made love. Dawn was thrilled, although she teased Giles mercilessly. He was much more fun to tease than Buffy, who just grinned and shrugged at her comments.
Buffy was publicly affectionate with Giles and that surprised him. Somehow he'd have thought she would want to keep their relationship a secret, but she didn't. She kissed him at the store, and held his hand as they went shopping. Some nights Giles would lie awake with Buffy sleeping in his arms, and wonder what had happened. Wonder how something he had wanted so much had actually come true. And he wondered when he would lose it all.
Giles had no idea how Buffy really felt. It was quite apparent that she enjoyed being touched by him and she clearly was choosing to be with him, but she never spoke about her feelings. So, Giles didn't either. He didn't want to scare her away by his professions of love. Whatever this was to Buffy she seemed comfortable with it and that was enough for him. He got to hold her at night, and touch her and taste her, and he had the right to claim her as his, at least for the time being.
***
Buffy watched Giles as he cleaned up after dinner. He was chatting with Dawn about her day and smiling at her theatrics, as she wailed about the perfidy of one of her friends. Suddenly Buffy realized that she loved him. Two emotions slammed through her at the same time. The first was the love she felt. How amazingly right she felt with him.
The second emotion was sheer terror. She looked at him again and at Dawn and she saw the part she was playing. It was as if she was suddenly a middle aged woman, married to a middle aged man, and with a teenage daughter, but somehow she had missed the intervening years, the years of discovering herself, the fun and careless years. And it pressed in on her, leaving her with the fear that she was too young for this, too young for him, too young to be a part of something that felt so permanent.
Buffy stood so suddenly her chair fell. As Giles and Dawn stopped their conversation in surprise Buffy stammered out a sentence that also provided her with an excuse to leave. "I've gotta go patrol." With that she practically ran from the kitchen. Dawn watched her go, puzzled, but then she shrugged and picked up the thread of her conversation. Giles turned his attention back to Dawn as well as he finished putting the leftovers away.
Buffy got home very late from patrolling. Giles, as usual, was sitting up waiting for her. For some reason it annoyed her tonight. She yawned and told him that not much had gone on and then she just headed upstairs. He came upstairs a few minutes later and found her already in bed, seemingly asleep. Giles quietly got into bed and he just watched her for a minute, knowing that something was wrong, but not wanting to disturb her if she really was asleep.
Buffy didn't know what was wrong with her. Her life suddenly felt like a prison, with a lifetime sentence. And yet the only person she could think of to talk to, the only one she believed could give her good advice about this situation was the one person she couldn't turn to. As she lay beside him, a part of her hoped that Giles would reach out for her and another part of her wished he would just go away. She stayed on her side, facing away from him, working on keeping her breathing slow and even. Finally he shut off the light and for the first time they lay in the bed facing away from each other, distance between them, instead of falling asleep in each other's arms.
***
The next night there was a science fair at Dawn's school. Buffy was supposed to meet Giles and Dawn at the school after she got out of class. Giles looked at his watch for the tenth time in the last thirty minutes. The evening was almost over and Buffy had yet to make her appearance. He had called home several times hoping she had just forgotten, and was trying not to worry. When you lived on a Hellmouth and when the woman you loved was the Slayer, absences were never taken lightly.
***
Buffy had forgotten, because she was still freaking out. She walked around campus for a couple of hours, trying to work her way through her fears and her doubts. Trying to let her love for Giles eradicate her rampant desire to just run away, run as far as she could, away from him, away from Sunnydale.
Finally she headed for home. She unlocked the door and was confused at the silence that greeted her. Then she remembered. "Shit." Buffy glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that even if she left now that she'd never make it in time. The doorbell rang and she opened it, her eyes opening wide when she saw who was standing there. "Riley?"
He smiled at her. "I'm back." He walked across the threshold and swept her into a hug.
***
Giles whipped through the streets, anxious to get home and make sure Buffy was all right. Dawn had taken Buffy's absence in stride. When it came to school stuff she preferred having Giles around anyway because he was always interested. The entire drive home she babbled about the praise her project had received. Giles smiled at her. "I'm very proud of you, Dawn. You did an excellent job."
Dawn grinned and started in again. When they reached the house Giles frowned when he saw an unfamiliar car in front of the house. He looked at Dawn. "Whose car is that?"
Dawn shook her head. "I don't know."
Giles pulled into the driveway.
***
Buffy was too startled to protest when Riley drew her into his arms. When the hug grew protracted Buffy did finally pull away. She stared up at him. "When did you get back?"
"Just now. I haven't even checked out my new place, I wanted to see you." He cupped Buffy's cheek. "I'm sorry I left the way I did. I've missed you so much."
Buffy smiled tightly at him. "You know I came that night, I ran as fast as I could but I missed you. I was right beneath the helicopter screaming at you but you didn't hear me."
Riley's eyes lit up. "You came for me? You were going to ask me to stay?"
Buffy nodded. She continued to stare at him, not believing he was back. Buffy saw the flash of desire in his eyes and she thought of Giles. And suddenly Riley seemed to be everything Giles wasn't. Young, unpredictable, impetuous, and it all felt so attractive to her, a route to freedom. Which is why, when Riley swept her into his arms again and kissed her, she didn't stop him.
***
Giles and Dawn headed up the sidewalk. Suddenly Giles stopped. Dawn looked at him and grew concerned when she saw how pale he had gotten, how much pain there was on his face. "Giles, what is it?" Giles couldn't take his eyes off the window. Dawn followed his eyes and she saw them. Buffy and Riley, kissing. They both just stood there and watched as the kiss went on and on.
Finally Giles tore his eyes away. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the tightness in his chest. Giles looked down at Dawn. "Do you have your keys?" Dawn nodded. "Go on in, then. I'll wait and make sure you get in all right."
"Where are you going?"
"I just need to take a drive."
"No, I think you need to come in. We need to find out what's going on."
Giles smiled sadly. "I think it's pretty obvious what's going on. I knew it was just a matter of time. I've been a haven of sorts for her, but I didn't really expect it to last."
Dawn saw her home life falling apart before her eyes. "I don't want you to leave."
"I'll be back. I just need…I just need to be by myself for a little while." He gestured her up to the house. "Go on."
Dawn reluctantly walked the few remaining steps up to the house and put her key in the door. Giles watched, as Buffy and Riley broke apart in response to the noise. When Dawn got the door open he quickly turned and headed back to his car.
Buffy and Riley were several feet apart by the time Dawn got the door shut behind her. Buffy smiled. "I'm sorry Dawn, I completely forgot about tonight." She held a hand out indicating Riley's presence. "Look who's back." Her brow furrowed and she looked at the door. "Where's Giles?"
Dawn glared at Buffy, as angry as she could remember being. "He saw you." Tears formed in her eyes. "How could you? How could you do that to him?"
Guilt raced through Buffy and then fear. "Where is he?"
"He left. He said he wanted to be alone."
Buffy ran to the door just in time to see Giles' car disappear around the corner. "Where did he go?"
Dawn hissed at her. "Why do you care?"
"Dawn, it's not what it looks like."
"No? You weren't just kissing Riley in the living room, with his tongue in your mouth?"
Riley looked at Buffy and Dawn. "I don't understand. Why would Giles care if Buffy and I kissed?"
Dawn glared at him too. "Because they're together. Or they were." She glared at her sister again, brushing a tear angrily off her face. "I hate you, you ruin everything." With that Dawn burst into tears and she raced upstairs.
Riley stared at Buffy. "You…you and Giles?" He let out a short incredulous laugh. "She's kidding, right?" Buffy covered her face with her hands and let out a groan. Riley put a hand on her shoulder. "The two of you? I don't understand."
Buffy dropped her hands and looked up at him. "Sit down, Riley." Riley followed her to the couch and they both sat down. "Yes, it's true. Me and Giles. He moved in here after my mom died…"
He interrupted. "I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry I wasn't here to help."
Buffy shrugged. "Giles was. He helped. He helped a lot."
"So you slept with him?"
She shook her head, frustrated. "No, it wasn't like that. It just happened. We were living here and it felt like we belonged together, the three of us, like a family. It just happened."
"So it can unhappen?" He touched her arm. "Buffy, I want to be with you. I want us to be together again."
Buffy inched away from him. "I have to talk to Giles." Buffy looked out the window, wishing he was back, horrified at what she had done to him, at what he had seen. No matter what, he didn't deserve that.
"Can I call you?"
Buffy nodded and then she shook her head. "No, let me call you. Do you have a number yet?"
Riley pulled out his wallet. "Yes, it's right here." He got up and found a piece of paper and wrote it down. "Call me tomorrow." He cupped her cheek again in his hand. "Buffy, I love you. I never stopped loving you." He moved in to kiss her again but she jerked her head back.
"I can't…I'm sorry. I can't. Not right now." She stood and walked to the door. "You better go."
Riley slowly got up. "Will you call me? I'm not willing to just give you up. If I don't hear from you I'll come back."
"I'll call, I promise."
Riley stared at her for a moment, as if he might be able to see the truth behind that promise but whatever he found didn't satisfy him. He headed for the front door. "Call me."
Buffy nodded and shut the door behind him. She slid down the door until she hit the floor and lowering her head to her knees she started to cry.
***
Giles drove for a long time. His thoughts were scattered and his heart was breaking. A part of him wanted to immediately go back and beat Riley to within an inch of his life. The other part of him didn't see the point. It wouldn't get Buffy back if she still loved Riley and wanted him again now that he had returned. All it would do is drive a deeper wedge between them, and regardless of what happened, he was still Buffy's Watcher.
Giles knew he couldn't compete with Riley, not really. Riley was young with a young man's body and stamina. He had his whole life before him. And Giles didn't want to have to compete. His life was too uncertain as it was. Living on the Hellmouth, dealing with evil, the last thing he wanted was a home life where he needed to fight for someone's affection. Home was where things should be sure, calm, and peaceful, a refuge from the craziness of the rest of the world. All he had to give Buffy was his love, constancy, and tenderness, and if that couldn't keep her at his side then he had already lost her.
Despite his misery, his weariness eventually brought him home, as he grew afraid that he would fall asleep while driving. He parked in the driveway and slowly walked up to the door, hoping that Buffy had already gone to bed. He didn't have the strength to deal with her right now. He needed sunlight and some sleep to back him up.
His eyes closed for a second as he saw her sitting there, waiting for him. She spoke softly but her voice was thick, as if she'd been crying for a long time. "Giles?"
"Yes, it's me."
She raced to him and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what happened."
He pushed her gently away. "Buffy…I…I'm tired. Can we talk about this in the morning."
"Do you hate me?"
He shook his head. "I could never hate you, Buffy." He looked at the couch. "Why don't you go on up to bed. I'll just sleep here."
Buffy looked at him, misery on her face. "I want you to come to bed with me."
"Not tonight, Buffy. Please."
Buffy fought back her tears. "Then you take the bed, I'll sleep here or in my old room."
He didn't even argue. "All right." He smiled sadly at her. "I'll see you in the morning then." Turning his back on her he walked upstairs, his tread weary.
Buffy felt so young and unsure of herself. She didn't know what to do, how to make him feel better, how to turn back the clock and make what happened not have happened. Feeling helpless, she fell back on the couch and just started to cry again.