******
Frustration: Part 1
Giles opened his door to find Ethan standing there. "Ethan, what the hell do you want?"
Ethan pushed his way inside. "I was in town. I thought I'd drop by for a visit."
"The last time I saw you the military were carting you off to a rehabilitation center. How exactly did you get out?"
"What difference does it make? I'm here now. I thought we could go out for a drink."
"You are out of your bloody mind if you think I'm going drinking with you. You turned me into a demon the last time I did that."
"Yeah, but you had fun, didn't you?"
"I did have fun beating the crap out of you. I have to admit that."
Ethan winced. "Yes, as a Fyarl demon you do pack quite a bit more punch than you do as a tweed wearing librarian."
Giles looked down at the jeans and sweater he was wearing. "I do not wear tweed anymore and I haven't been a librarian for over a year. I wish people would stop saying that." He kicked the door shut. He moved to his kitchen. "Do you want a drink?"
"I thought you just said you wouldn't drink with me."
"No, I said I wouldn't go out drinking with you. Unless you've snuck in here while I wasn't looking and doctored all my alcohol I'm thinking I'm relatively safe." He glared at Ethan. "Do you want a drink, or not?" He slammed a bottle of scotch on the counter.
"Yes." Ethan prowled around the counter and looked at Giles. "What's the matter with you?"
"Nothing is the matter with me." Giles poured two large drinks. He handed one to Ethan and took his glass and the bottle into the living room.
"I've known you a long time…"
Giles interrupted. "Lucky you."
"…and I know when something is bothering you."
"Well, give the man a prize."
"So, tell your old friend Ethan all about it."
Giles barked out a laugh. "Right. Because I know I can trust you. You certainly wouldn't use anything I tell you against me."
"Ripper, I just like having a little fun."
Giles rested his head back on the couch. "I'm tired of your games. Go play with someone else." He lifted his head. "Oh wait, you don't have anyone else, do you? Gee, I wonder why?"
"Ouch. You are in a mood, aren't you?"
"Go away, Ethan."
"Not until you tell me what's bothering you."
"Hand me the phone, I want to call the Initiative."
"Tell me what's wrong. I hate to see you like this."
"You love to see me like this, Ethan. You like nothing more than to see me miserable and you know it."
"I know, but it's not as much fun if I don't know why you're miserable."
"My heart's bleeding for you." The phone rang. Giles looked up at the clock and then at the phone. He ignored it.
"Aren't you going to answer it?"
"No."
Ethan watched the phone as it rang. Finally he couldn't stand it. He grabbed for it. "Hello?"
"Giles? Is that you? You sound funny."
Ethan made a face and handed the phone to Giles. "It's for you. The old ball and chain."
Giles sighed but took the phone. "Yes, Buffy, what is it?"
"Who was that?"
"Someone who was just leaving."
Buffy humphed. "The phone rang so long I didn't think you were in."
"Where else would I be? Where else am I ever at this time of night, every night?"
"Well you don't have to be so crabby about it."
Giles took a deep breath. "What do you need, Buffy?"
"I just thought I'd call. Riley's busy and I was bored."
"I'm so touched."
"What's the matter with you? I thought you'd be glad I called."
"Oh yes, tossing out bread crumbs to the populace. How noble of you."
"Well, I knew you'd be home."
"Of course I'd be home. What else could I possibly be doing other than waiting for you to call? I'm home every sodding night unless I'm being knocked unconscious at some demon fest with you."
There was a pause. "Okay, well, watching paint dry is more fun than this so I'm gonna go now."
"Thanks so much for calling. It's been a pleasure." Giles hung up. And then he ripped the phone cord out of the wall.
Ethan's eyebrows rose ever so slightly. "Trouble in paradise?"
Giles snickered unpleasantly. "Paradise. Right."
Ethan poured Giles another drink. "Here you go, drink up."
Giles drank half the glass down. He eyed the glass blearily. "I should probably eat something. I don't think I've eaten all day."
"Oh no, you'll get drunk much faster on an empty stomach." Giles could hardly argue with that so he polished off the glass. Ethan filled it again. "Ready to tell me what's bothering you?"
"Nothing you can help me with."
"Now, how do you know that if you won't tell me?"
Giles looked at Ethan. "Do you think that if you get told something long enough that it becomes the truth?"
"I'm afraid to answer that without more information."
Giles just shook his head. "Do you remember how easy it was for me to find a woman to be with?"
"All you had to do was snap your fingers."
Giles snapped his fingers and looked around. "Doesn't seem to work anymore."
Ethan sat up in his chair. "Is that what this is about? You wanting a relationship?"
Giles snorted. "No, I've given up on ever having that. This is about something much more basic."
Ethan grinned. "All this fuss just because you want to get laid?" He filled Giles' glass again. "Look no further. I'm always available."
Giles rolled his eyes. "Do you remember how drunk you had to get me to do that?"
Ethan pointed at Giles' glass. "One more of those ought to do the trick."
Giles grimaced and put his glass down. "I think I'll embrace a life of celibacy."
Ethan pursed his lips. "What does this have to do with someone telling you something until it becomes the truth?"
There was a knock at the door. Giles stood up and flung a hand out at the door. "What perfect timing. You can see a live demonstration." He walked towards the door and threw it open. "Buffy, shouldn't you still be at home watching paint dry?"
"I was worried about you. You sounded so weird. But the phone doesn't seem to be working."
"I know. I pulled it out of the wall."
Buffy noticed Ethan. Her face grew dark. "What the hell does he want?"
Giles looked at Ethan. "That's exactly what I asked him. Don't worry, he was just leaving." He hesitated. "On second thought, feel free to stay. I think I'll leave." He looked around for his jacket and shrugged it on. Giles began patting down his pockets looking for his keys.
Buffy stood in the doorway. "What do you mean, you're leaving?"
"Just what I said. I'm leaving. I'm going to get laid."
Buffy glared at Ethan. "What did you do to him?"
Ethan just laughed. "Not a thing. Why should I? He's doing so well on his own."
Buffy turned a puzzled gaze towards Giles. "What did you mean by that?"
Giles turned to Ethan. "Now pay attention." He turned back to Buffy. "The I'm going to get laid part?"
"Yes."
"What do you think I meant?"
"Well, not what it usually means, that's for sure."
"And why not?"
"Come on, please and eeww."
Giles gritted his teeth. "Let's try an experiment. You say it Buffy."
"Say what?"
"Say, I'm going to get laid."
"I'm not going to say…"
"Say it."
"Fine. I'm going to get laid."
Giles cocked his head to the side. "See, when you say it, it seems perfectly clear to me. I'm thinking that it means that you're going to go find Riley or whatever worthless excuse for a boyfriend you currently have and go shag him silly." He turned to Ethan. "Doesn't that seem clear to you?"
Ethan nodded. "Oh, quite clear."
Giles turned again to Buffy. "Okay, let's try this again. You ready? I'm going to go get laid." He spoke the sentence very slowly. "Was it clearer this time?"
Buffy looked at Giles as if he had lost his mind. "Did Ethan put a spell on you?"
Giles rolled his eyes. "Is it that inconceivable to you that I want to get laid?"
Buffy squinched her face up. "Why are you acting like this? What's the matter?"
"Nothing's the matter. I'm going to go find some woman and have sex with her. Maybe I'll find two women and have sex with them both."
Buffy put her hand on his forehead. "Are you sick?"
Giles turned to Ethan. "It's like I'm a eunuch. Watch this." Looking at Buffy he put out his hands as if he was going to scare her. "Giles and sex."
Buffy made a face and shivered. "Would you stop that? You're gonna give me nightmares."
"Five bloody years of this. I'm sick of it." Spying his keys on the counter underneath his mail he pounced on them. Giles brushed by Buffy and headed out. Looking over his shoulder he tossed out a final message. "Don't wait up."
End Part 1
Frustration: Part 2
Buffy was too surprised to do much at first so she just stood there as Giles got in his car and drove away. Finally she turned to Ethan. "What did you do to him?"
Ethan stood up and headed for the kitchen. "My dear girl, why are you so convinced I did something to him?"
"Because he never acts like this."
"He never acts like he's a man?" Ethan paused and then grinned wickedly when he saw Buffy's discomfort. He lowered his voice dramatically. "With a penis?"
Buffy waved her hands frantically in the air as if to banish that image from her mind. "Stop."
Ethan started opening cabinets, trying to find something to eat. He was laughing. "Poor Rupert."
Buffy scowled and headed into the kitchen too. She headed for the right cabinet and pulled out some cookies. "What do you mean by that?"
Ethan tried to get some from her but she held the box out of his reach and headed back into the living room. Ethan looked in the cabinet again and found some crackers that would do. He sat back on the chair, wanting to sit as far away from Buffy as he could manage. "Don't you have things to go kill?"
"I could call Riley and let him know you're here. I will if you don't answer me."
"You are such a consistent joy to be with." Ethan nibbled on a cracker. "What did I mean by poor Rupert?" At Buffy's nod he answered. "Can only be a Watcher when his little Slayer is around. Can't be a man, can't have needs, can't want sex."
"It's not like that."
"It's not like what?"
"It's not that he can't be those things, he just isn't those things."
Ethan's jaw dropped. "This is too priceless. You really do think he's a bloody eunuch."
"I do not."
"Then how can you possibly think he doesn't have needs and wouldn't want sex?"
"Because he's my Watcher."
"Don't you think he had sex with Olivia?"
Buffy blushed and her face grew quite annoyed. "That was different. He couldn't help that. They had history."
"He couldn't help what?"
Buffy let out a disgusted noise. "You know what I mean."
"No, actually I have no idea." He thought for a minute. "How about Jenny Calendar?"
"A total fluke. Besides I was only sixteen."
Ethan started to grin. "This isn't about Rupert at all, is it?"
"Hello, are you a part of this conversation? We are talking about Giles."
"No, we're not. We're talking about you." He poured himself another shot of scotch. He held the bottle up asking Buffy if she wanted some.
"No, me and alcohol are un-mixy things."
Ethan stored that piece of information away for future use. "Why don't you, and I stress the word you, want Giles to think about sex?"
"First of all, this is not about me, and second of all, don't you, and I stress the word you, have an elsewhere to be?"
"And not be here when your Watcher gets home so I can hear all the lovely details about his sexual exploits?"
"Eeww. You guys talk about this stuff?"
"Just the grin on his face will be satisfaction enough." He waved the back of his hands towards Buffy as if to shoo her away. "So, feel free to leave anytime. I'll just sit right here until Rupert gets home."
"I am so not leaving you here alone."
"Well then settle in, little girl, he did tell us not to wait up." Ethan grinned again.
Buffy squinched up her face. "You really think he's just going to go out there and some woman's just going to…" Her face squinched up even further.
Ethan shook his head at her obtuseness. "You do recall that both Jenny and Olivia were stunningly beautiful women that other men probably desired greatly."
"Yeah, so?"
"Who did they choose?" Buffy scowled but didn't answer. Ethan asked again. "Who did they choose to be with? To have SEX with?" The look on Buffy's face was priceless. Ethan couldn't remember when he'd had this much fun and it was so early still. He grinned again and curled his legs up underneath him like a great cat. "Do you have any idea how many women your Watcher has had sex with?"
Buffy's face grew sullen. "No." She threw a pouty glare at Ethan. "And I don't want to know."
"Why not? I would think that knowing about your Watcher's sexual prowess would make you proud."
Buffy put her hands over her ears. "I'm not listening."
Ethan just kept on. "You've never seen your Watcher in action, have you? He's quite something to see. I'm sure he'll get his touch back, pun very much intended, quite quickly." Buffy started humming under her breath. Ethan continued, relentless. "I wonder what he'll start with tonight? Some redhead, maybe a brunette. He always did like brunettes."
"He does not like brunettes." Buffy gritted out the words.
"Jenny was a brunette. Most of the women Rupert ended up with were brunettes. He likes thick dark hair."
Buffy stood, her hands clenched at her side. She shouted at him. "He does not like brunettes."
Ethan's eyes opened wide. "My, my, aren't we overreacting just a bit?"
"Are you just aching for a beating, Ethan? Because you are this close." She held up her thumb and index finger, only a sliver of light showing between them. She threw herself back down on the couch.
Ethan cocked his head to the side, a grin still on his face. "Why are you so sure he doesn't like brunettes? It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're a blond, would it?" He took a sip of his scotch.
Buffy made another disgusted noise. "No." She didn't meet Ethan's eyes.
"It is about that. That's what this whole thing is about, isn't it?"
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Rupert. You just don't want him wanting anybody, unless it's you."
"Again, beating is imminent."
"Jenny was a fluke, and according to you it only happened because you were young, meaning that you were too young for him. Then Olivia was all based on history, certainly nothing Rupert would have chosen if he'd been in his right mind, not when he had you around. But he couldn't help himself so it doesn't count either."
"That is not what I meant. You're twisting my words all around."
"No, I think that's exactly what you meant. I just think you never put it together for yourself. You don't want to share him with anyone, do you?"
Buffy's face was defiant. "He's MY Watcher."
Ethan barked out a laugh. "You do realize that YOUR Watcher has probably already hooked up with someone."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "That is so not going to happen."
"Hooked up with someone, and right now, he's wooing his way into her bed, mark my words."
Buffy stood again. "Shut up."
"Why don't you just have sex with him, then, if you don't want anyone else to have him?"
She spoke to him as if he was an idiot. "Because he's my Watcher."
Ethan nodded. "I see. So you get to have sex with, how did he put it, one of your worthless boyfriends, and your witchy friends get to shag, and the ex-demon and that boy get to shag, but poor Rupert just gets to be the Watcher. And watch what, exactly, all of you have sex while he gets nothing?" Ethan snorted. "He's put up with this for five years? No wonder he's sick of it."
Buffy sat again. "You don't understand."
"What do you think I don't understand, little girl?"
"Stop calling me that."
Ethan bit his lips while he fought back another grin. "Elucidate me."
Buffy looked at him with suspicion. "Do what?"
Ethan started to laugh, a rich belly laugh. "Don't worry, I wasn't asking you to perform sexual acts on my body. I was merely asking you to explain."
Buffy blushed and scowled at the same time. "Giles needs to not be thinking about sex."
That got Ethan's attention. "Why?"
"If he was thinking about sex it would make things uncomfortable."
"For who?"
"For him, for me. He wouldn't be able to help…" Buffy blushed and looked away.
Ethan sat on the edge of his chair. "He wouldn't be able to help himself from what? Wanting you?" Ethan started to laugh again. This was just getting better and better.
Buffy started getting angry. "I've seen how he looks at me."
"So you treat him like a eunuch and call him names so he won't be overrun with his lust for you?"
"I told you, he looks at me."
Ethan sighed. "As much as it pains me to say anything that you might misconstrue as a compliment, you are a reasonably attractive woman with a fairly pleasing figure. It isn't completely surprising that someone might choose to look at you."
Buffy worked her way through that, feeling surprisingly uncomplimented. "So?"
"So, it is possible that he's merely looking at you from that perspective, and not because he is brimming over with animal passion for you."
"Look, I think I know him just a little bit better than you."
Ethan howled with laughter. "You don't know anything about him. Nothing. You are, without a doubt, the most clueless and astonishingly conceited young woman it has ever been my displeasure to meet." Ethan stood and walked over to Buffy, sitting near her. "I am willing to make a bet with you that if Rupert met you today, if he met you tonight, for the first time, he wouldn't have anything to do with you."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm saying that Rupert wouldn't choose you, little girl. You're too much the virgin for him."
"I am not a virgin."
"Maybe not. But you act like one, all prim and proper with just a little bit of cock teasing thrown in for good measure. Rupert likes a woman who can match him in bed, and trust me when I say, that you are no match for him."
"I am so a match for him."
"Just the fact that you have to say that tells me that you're not. These are uncharted waters for you honeybunch. If Rupert had chosen a Slayer to sleep with on looks and attitude alone, he'd have gone with that little Faith number."
"You mean he'd have chosen a slut?"
"He'd have chosen experience, willnessness, a sense of adventure. Not someone who thinks that just opening her legs up is a bloody gift of such importance that a man should fall down on his knees and give thanks."
"You are so gross."
"See, you prove my point. Even talking about sex makes you uncomfortable. And I know Rupert better than you'll ever know him. Because I know all of him. I know him as student, as rebel, as Watcher, as friend, as enemy, and as a lover. I know all of him. I don't walk around with my eyes closed pretending that parts of him don't exist."
"God, you and Giles…?"
Ethan grinned and stood again, stretching sinuously. "Yes, me and Ripper. Shocked, little girl? Don't worry, oh missionary one, it's old history. He's not interested in me that way anymore, more's the pity." He repositioned himself in his chair. "Willing to take that bet, luv?"
"How can I take that bet? He does know me."
"I can make him forget. Just for tonight."
"How do I know you won't do something else to him, something to make him not be interested in me?"
"Because I don't have to. Because I know I'll win this bet. I know he won't choose you."
Buffy's pride started to get a little riled. "You are so wrong."
"So, you'll take the bet?"
"What do I get when I win?"
"You can call Riley and let his goons come and get me. But if I win, which I will, you get Riley and his goons off my back." He looked at his watch. "I wouldn't take too long to decide, it may already be too late. He could work fast when he wanted to." He grinned. "Although my guess is he'll still be around. He usually likes to take his time, prowl around a little, get the lay of the land, so to speak."
"How do you even know where he is?"
"I always know where he is. After all the magic we've done together, all the years we've known each other, he's in my blood. All I need to do is concentrate and I'll find him."
Buffy gritted her teeth against the flash of jealousy she felt. "And when I win you'll go back with the Initiative?"
"They won't even need to cuff me."
Buffy grinned. "This will be so fun to watch."
Ethan grinned too. "Yes, it will."
"I have to go back to the dorm and get changed."
"We can stop there on the way. Tart up all you want, if won't help. It won't change who you are. He'll know and he won't be interested."
"You are so going down tonight, Ethan. You have no idea."
Ethan stood. "Let's go." Buffy stood and the two of them headed out of Giles' apartment to Ethan's car.
End Part 2