Full of Love
by: Gileswench
Rated NC-17
Date: 5/11/03
Spoilers: Through First Date...then I make my own little world based
on Joss'. I like mine better than his.
Summary: A change in attitude results in better choices and a more
effective plan of action against The First...not to mention romance.
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Buffy/Giles
Category: Romance/Drama
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Warning: Character death, a spot or two of violence, slight Andrew torture, and heavy-duty Giles snark ahead. Do not proceed if you are troubled with a low sarcasm tolerence.
Notes: This one comes to you courtesy of Kerrie's birthday...which was several days ago, but it's the thought that counts. Anyway, she requested the following: B/G & smoochies..throw in some leather, his earring and that shirt he had on in "Family". That color on him was just drool worthy oh and maybe some singing....sigh and the rest of the gang finding out about them in an unusual way.
Dedication: To Kerrie, who did not go overboard at all. Happy Birthday, my dear. I hope you don't mind sharing with two other beautiful B/G birthday girls: the inimitable Rari Coss, and my sweet Savage. May you all three celebrate many more years in health, happiness, and prosperity.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 1
Giles slammed the kettle on the burner rather more emphatically than he normally would. Even the way he filled the teaball took on a fairly savage aspect.
"Dating! At a time like this!" he muttered fiercely under his breath. "The lot of them are bloody insane!"
"Not really," came a voice from the doorway. "Not in a lock-us-up-in-special-white-jackets way, anyhow."
"Buffy, I'm not in the mood..."
"To listen to someone tell you you need to calm down before you have a stroke?" She walked into the room and sat at the counter. "So, any chance there's enough in that pot to share with me?"
"Where are the others?"
"Sent them out to train. Xander and Spike went back to Xand's place to rest up and get better. I think Anya went with them. As for Dawn, it's a school night. She's in her room doing the homework she put off until now. See? All doing the serious, just like you wanted."
"This isn't a whim, Buffy," he said turning to her at last. "None of you have time for this sort of...nonsense."
"We know it's serious," she said. "We know this is big. We know it's bad, and we know it's coming. We're preparing the best we can for this apocalypse. But, Giles, I've finally figured out we all need some breathing space, too. All these girls have lost everything: their homes, their Watchers, their clothes and stuffed animals and favorite hairdressers and anything else they cared about. I finally get that they need to see there's more than death and violence and depression to this whole thing. They need to believe there's a normal they're fighting for."
"Where did you learn that particular bit of insanity?"
"You."
"Me?"
"Yes, you, Giles. You always tried to give me as much normal as you could. Okay, so sometimes I tried to push the envelope a little bit, but I knew you were doing your best. You even offered me ice cream when my boyfriend broke up with me right before the prom. How normal is that?"
Giles turned and poured the now boiling water into the teapot and brought it over to the breakfast bar to steep.
"Ah yes, the middle-aged bachelor librarian offers to take the pretty high school senior out for sweets. That's certainly normal."
"In my world, that's about as close as it gets." She went to get a pair of mugs out of the cupboard. She stood for a moment, her back to him, her shoulders tight. "I never forgot it, you know."
"The ice cream?"
"No. Before that. What you said after...when Angel turned. How you said he did love me, and how you didn't think I was bad, even after I made him lose his soul. You didn't try to pretend things weren't awful, but you told me that I wasn't bad. That I was good. That you still liked me. Have you changed your mind?"
Giles regarded her back with wounded eyes.
"Can you really think that?" he asked at last.
"You used to trust me."
"You used to want more for yourself. Buffy, this thing with Spike, I don't know what it is you're doing, but it isn't healthy. And dating your boss...what are you thinking? Are you thinking at all?"
"One date," Buffy reminded him. "I went on one date with him, and it was at least half because I wanted to check him out - check that he's not evil, I mean. And he's not. Evil."
"It took dinner and dancing to find that out?"
"More like dinner and dusting. We got caught in a vampattack on our way to the restaurant. He's good. He could stake for Anerica."
She took the mugs back to the breakfast bar and poured the tea.
"How?" Giles asked as he slid into his seat. "Why?"
"No superpowers. At least not any he knows about, and I'd think he's old enough to know. But there's something about him...something he told me about himself. Or, more about his mother really." She looked seriously at her companion. "Giles, he said his mother was a Slayer."
"A what?" he nearly choked on his tea. "His mother was a what?"
"A Slayer. Like me. One that actually grew up and everything. And she got to do something normal. Something pretty much most of the world takes for granted. How's that for unexpected?"
"Very." He sipped his tea and watched her for a long moment. "You know, soul or no soul, Spike can't have children."
"I know that. And I did figure out it's kinda rough getting a marriage license when the only ID one of you has is a hundred-year-old death certificate. But that's not what it's all about. I'm not going to be with Spike again."
"Then what is it about? Because I'm dammned if I can make any sort of sense out of your behavior."
Buffy sat and toyed with her mug for some time.
"It's about being sorry," she said at last. "It's about how I used him and I owe him big time. Like I said earlier, fighting evil doesn't give me any right to do evil. And don't even tell me he was using me, too, because contrary to popular opinion, I do have a brain. Once in a while I even use it. The fact that he was using me doesn't change the fact that I was using him. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have gone and gotten his soul. After all the times I excused everything Angel did because he had a soul, the least I can do is give Spike the chance to prove himself. I need to know for sure. And I need to know that I didn't destroy him by making him a freak of nature."
"You didn't put that chip in his head, Buffy. You didn't send him to get his soul. You are not responsible for what Spike has become." Giles watched her drain her mug. "You can't live your life making up for what happened between you. I don't know the details, but I do know you need to move on."
"And I can't do that until I do this. Until I know whether I can trust Spike, I can't stop being a part of his life, or having him as part of mine. Besides, there's that whole thing about how The First is going to activate him again."
"Another excellent reason to let him go somewhere far away."
"The best reason in the world to keep him here," Buffy retorted. "This thing is world wide. There's no out of bounds on this one, Giles. Wherever Spike goes, The First can switch him back on and make him into a killing machine again. If he's here. I can do whatever I can to keep him from having a huge suckfest on the populace."
"And if you can't stop him?"
"Then I can make it as quick and as painless as I can. I don't want to have to, but if it needs to be done, it's better to have him where all the Slayer power is concentrated."
She began gathering the dishes. Giles watched her. Her face was frozen in a stubborn mask that he knew well. There was no point in arguing. And he had to admit to himself, if not her, that she had made some good points. He stood and took up his customary cloth to help her dry the dishes. They worked efficiently together. It was a long time before either spoke.
"I wonder if it skips a generation."
"What?" Giles asked.
"Slaying. I wonder if it's like diabetes and it skips a generation, or if it's because he's a guy. What do you think?"
"So we're back to the other man in your life, are we?"
"Don't be so grumpy. He's...I bet he won't even want a second date. And anyway, this is sort of scientific curiosity."
"If I had known all it would take to kindle an interest would be a good-looking young chap, I might have tried finding someone like him years ago."
"You think he's good-looking?"
"How the hell would I know? I haven't even seen him yet."
Buffy put up the last mug and turned to Giles.
"He's not bad," she said. "The earrings are a definite turn on. Plus there's the fact that he knows about vampires and Slayers. That's sort of in the comfort zone for me. But there is the wigsome part where he's my boss and he's on a big quest to find and dust the vamp that got his mom. I'm not so sure I can deal with obsessed again. Besides, I could see Spike knew."
"Knew what?"
"That there's sort of no there there. I mean, he's a nice guy and he's good looking and he's not of the evil and all that's just peachy, but there's no...spark."
"And Spike told you this?"
"Sort of. He likes to tell people things they don't want to know about themselves, y'know. He spent all of last year telling me what I did and didn't want to believe; that I wanted the pain, that I needed the darkness. And he was right in ways I don't even want to think about. And he's right when he says part of me still wants that. There's part of me that still wants to hide and be punished. I don't know if I'll ever completely stop wanting that. But he said something else once I didn't want to hear. About you."
"What was that?"
"That he'd always wondered. About us. You and me."
Giles looked at the floor and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
"Ah. Well, I suppose our relationship has always been open to...misinterpretation..."
"Yeah," Buffy agreed, feeling oddly shy. "I guess it has been. Even by us. I mean, this is Spike. Look at his track record. He knew just how badly Willow was falling apart after Oz left when none of the rest of us saw it coming, he knew exactly what buttons to push to get us all yelling at each other inside a day, he knew that Angel and I would never really be friends, and he knew what I wanted last year. And he knew that if he wanted to really get my goat all he had to do was talk about you. Maybe it's time to take another look at us. Maybe...over dinner or something."
"I hardly think this is the time to...are you really asking me out on a date?"
"You got a better time in mind? You said it yourself. Any or all of us might die in this one. I don't want to die again and still not know if he was right. And yes, I'm asking. So, want to go out with me?"
"As another scientific experiment?"
Buffy smiled up at him.
"Could be. Oh, and wear an earring. If you don't have one, you could always borrow one of mine."
"Why should I do that?"
"It's an experiment. To see if it makes you sexy enough to get lucky."
"I don't recall actually agreeing to go out with you."
"But you'll go, right?"
"After my speech tonight? I'm not sure I can. After all, mere hours ago, I was the Grinch that stole dating."
"Yeah, but that was when you were the only one not getting any. And it's not like Xander's gonna be dating much for a while. Plus, I think Willow can be talked into patrolling with the mini-Slayers for one night. If nothing else, she and Kennedy can make eyes at each other across the headstones."
"And likely get themselves killed in the process," Giles grumbled.
"But what a way to go."
"All right," he sighed at last. "I suppose we do both have to eat, at any rate."
"And they say romance is dead."
*****
Part 2
The next morning, once Giles had finally gotten a chance in the single bathroom in the house so he could shower and shave, he came downstairs to a peculiar state of affairs. He walked into the kitchen only to find Rona and Amanda staring at him, then turning to one another and bursting into fits of giggles. The girls ran out of the room, still laughing. He looked after them with a raised eyebrow.
"I wonder what that's all about?" he muttered.
He turned to the stove and began brewing his first pot of tea of the day. Moments later, Willow and Kennedy appeared, holding hands. When they saw Giles, they stopped dead in their tracks and repeated the same performance as the other two girls.
"Most extraordinary," he mused after their retreating backs.
He sat down to a relaxing cuppa and the morning paper. He was just settling down to a nice, juicy story about some fellow caught loitering in Weatherly Park when the paper crumpled suddenly and he found himself staring Dawn in the face.
"Is Buffy on drugs?" she demanded.
"Wh-what?"
"You heard me. Did you give her something funny, like when she turned eighteen?"
"As I recall, the last thing I gave her, as you put it, was a lecture on responsibility."
"Right. Okay." Dawn slumped into a chair. "So...someone else must have drugged her, because she's not Buffy. She's like...robot Buffy. All perky. Giles, what's wrong with her?"
He sighed and folded the paper as best he could in light of the recent attack on it.
"Let's begin at the beginning, shall we?" he said. "What has Buffy done that is so out of the ordinary?"
"Well, when she came down to give the big, daily motivational, 'we're all going to die' speech, she didn't. She said stuff that really was motivating about all the stuff we're fighting for, like puppies and apple pie and a world with no Celine Dion music in it, which, I could totally get behind, but it's not like her. Then she told us all we have to take opportunities...like the one she said she took last night to ask you on a date which she said she's wanted to do for years. Creepy, huh?"
"She...she told...oh dear lord! No wonder everyone is behaving so strangely."
"So, it's like some demon thingy, right? 'Cause I know Buffy would never in a million years ask you out."
"Is it that hard to believe?"
"Harder."
"And yet..."
Dawn stared, dumbfounded.
"Really?" she squeaked. "Buffy asked you out? What did you say? She said you said yes, but that's gotta be wrong."
"No, she was perfectly correct, though I do wish she hadn't decided to broadcast the news to the entire household."
"But you can't go out with Buffy!"
"Why not?"
"Because...because...you're so old, and you're her Watcher...or you were...or you are...are you or aren't you?"
Giles considered for a moment.
"I honestly don't know what I am. There is no more Council, so I suppose, officially, there are no Watchers. Perhaps I'm not one, anymore. At any rate I haven't acted in that capacity for more than a year. And as for my advanced age...it would appear that isn't such an obstacle to Buffy's way of thinking, which surprises me every bit as much as it surprises you. Still, if she has no objection, I certainly have none. Your sister is quite old enough to make up her own mind whom she'd like to see socially. Is that a complete list of your concerns?"
Dawn slumped in her chair and folded her arms across her chest.
"It's just all wrong. Yesterday, she was mopey and bossy and a total wet blanket, and today she's all sunshine and little birdies and Disney happy. It's wigging me."
Giles tried, but he couldn't stop the corners of his mouth from twitching into a smile.
"You're upset that your sister is happy? Is that it?"
"Well...when you put it like that..." the girl shook her head. "I still say it's freaky, but I guess it could be worse. At least she's not all miserable, like she was when she was with Spike. And at least I know you'll never try to..." her face went pale when she realized what she'd been about to say. "Make her sad," she recovered. "You'll make it better, right?" She got up from the table quickly. "Well, I should get to school. Lots to learn before the world ends."
She found herself impeded in her progress by Giles' hand on her arm.
"I'll never try to what?" he asked quietly. "Dawn, did Spike hurt Buffy in some way I don't know about?"
"N-no. He...he was just all mean to her, that's all. I gotta go."
Giles let her go, though he watched the doorway for some moments after she left.
*****
That evening, all the Slayers in training sat crowded downstairs while Buffy and Giles commandeered two of the bedrooms to prepare for their date. He rummaged yet again through the pathetic selection of shirts he'd brought with him in his mad dash to Sunnydale.
"Stupid jumpers," he muttered. "Didn't I bring even one dress shirt?"
His hand lit on something that didn't feel knitted. He pulled it out.
"Yes," he said, "that will do very nicely."
He shrugged on the bronze-colored shirt and buttoned it up. He started to look for a tie, but realized it was not only futile, but probably not something Buffy wanted to see. He settled for leaving the first two buttons undone.
"Now, about that earring..."
He pulled a small silver hoop out of a box and worked it into his earlobe. He had to admit, he liked the rakish look. He hoped Buffy would, too.
*****
Buffy rifled through her closet yet again for something to wear. Since her return to life, clothes shopping had been less of a priority for her than it was before, and she was feeling the pinch.
"There's nothing in here that looks like a grown woman would wear it," she groaned in frustration. "Have I always been such a fashion victim?"
At last, she settled on a ruffled black skirt and a fairly modest white blouse. A pair of black leather boots and several small pieces of jewelry finished off the look.
"Not bad," she decided, looking in the mirror. "Adult, stylish, date-y. I just hope Giles looks this good."
She took a deep breath, and opened the bedroom door. No point in waiting for the inevitable gawking. She headed down the stairs.
As predicted, a large crowd of Scoobies and Potentials was waiting to see the pair off. The scene reminded her of the ending of The Birds, as she picked her way through the mass of murmuring girlhood, careful not to step on any of them. When she reached the bottom stair, Willow grabbed her hand and squeezed it giddily.
"You look great, Buff. You're gonna knock Giles' socks off...in a metaphorical way."
"So you're okay with this? Really?"
"Gotta be better than some other options you've taken up. Oh, and here." She pressed something into Buffy's hand. "Just, y'know, in case."
Buffy opened her hand to peer at its contents. She folded her fingers over the foil slips quickly.
"Will!" she hissed. "Are you crazy?"
"Like I said, it's an in case thing. Better safe than nesting, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah, I got it, oh Queen of Subtle."
At a sound from the top of the stairs, she hurriedly shoved the condoms into her pocket. When she looked up, she decided maybe Willow had been right after all. Giles did look pretty edible, she had to admit. A surge of jealousy raced through her when she realized several of the Potentials were having the same thought. Then again, she couldn't stay jealous. Other women might be looking at him, but he clearly only had eyes for his date. She smiled at him. He smiled back. Suddenly, he seemed to become aware of the audience.
"Have none of you got better things to do than stand about staring?" he demanded.
Potentials scattered by twos and threes, whispering and giggling behind their hands. Soon only Willow, Xander, and Dawn were left. Giles rolled his eyes at them.
"I suppose you feel it necessary to launch us like a cruise ship?" he said with weary resignation.
"Hey, Buffy's my sister. I have to make sure the guy she's dating has a heartbeat."
Giles' lips twitched slightly as he held out his wrist to Dawn.
"I believe you'll find my credentials are in order," he said.
The girl solemnly checked for a pulse, then nodded.
"Okay. This one's alive," she told her sister. "You can go out with him."
"Thanks," Buffy returned wryly. "And just wait until your first date, when I pull out the videotapes of your potty training."
"You wouldn't."
"Where I've got them hidden, you'll never find them, kiddo. So behave."
Dawn folded her arms across her chest and moved to the living room, where she flopped on the sofa. Xander moved to the fore.
"Now I'm reasonably sure you don't have embarrassing videotapes of me, so I'm going to ask: are you guys prepared?"
"Prepared for what?" Buffy asked dangerously.
"Duh! Vampires! I mean, you guys are on foot, right? And this is still the Hellmouth."
"I have stakes in my jacket, and a couple more hidden in my boots. That good enough?"
"And I'm out with the Slayer. If worst comes to worst, I'm sure she'll protect me," Giles added.
"Darn tootin'! So, are we done?"
Willow and Xander looked at each other. The redhead produced a camera.
"Not quite," she said. "Say 'cheese'!"
She pointed. Buffy and Giles grimaced, then stood close.
"Limburger," they both said solemnly.
"Just smile, already," Willow said impatiently.
The pair followed orders, and were finally allowed out the door.
*****
Part 3
They walked slowly, neither feeling any need to hurry for once. Both were quiet for a time. Buffy stayed silent because she wasn't quite sure what to say, and Giles because he wanted to savor the moment. He feared the words that would make this night the travesty he half-worried it still might be. He kept his hands resolutely in his pockets and his gaze straight ahead. As long as she didn't say it was a joke, he could pretend it was real.
At last, Buffy spoke.
"This is so dumb."
Giles' heart sank like a stone.
"Did...did you wish to go home, now?" he forced himself to ask.
She stopped dead in her tracks.
"You don't want to go out?" she asked in a tiny voice.
"You - you mean...you do? You want to be out on a date with me?"
"Sorta why I asked. Did you want to call it off? Is it that bad an idea?"
"No, no, of course not," he assured her. "I want to be here. That is, if you do."
"See, this is what I was talking about. This is dumb."
"What's dumb?"
"This. You and me not being able to talk about anything. We used to talk about stuff. Now we can't even find enough conversation to get us to a restaurant. I don't want things to be this way anymore."
"Nor do I."
"Can we...can we be us again?"
"Not the way we were. Not really. We can't turn back the clock, Buffy. But perhaps we can find a new sort of us to be."
"I'd like that," she said a bit shyly. "So, could the new you, maybe take his hands out of his pockets and actually make physical contact with his date?"
"I do believe that could be arranged."
He held out his hand and she took it, not the way a child would, but lacing her fingers with his. She smiled up at him.
"That's better," she said.
"Yes, it certainly is. But I think it could be better still."
"How?"
"Like this."
He pulled her closer, drawing her into his arms. She nestled her cheek against his chest and sighed happily.
"You're so right," she said. "That's my Watcher guy; the one with all the good ideas."
"About time you figured that out," he teased. He allowed himself another moment to simply enjoy her warm body against his. At last, though, he drew slightly back. "Come on, then. We don't want to lose our reservations, do we?"
"Depends on what reservations you're talking about. But the dinner ones, we really don't want to lose. Some of the others? It's about time we did."
"As many as you like," he said.
"You better not be teasing, because I might just take you up on that."
They continued on their way, arms about one anothers' waists, flirting outrageously.
*****
Spike stomped into the living room. His nostrils flared, his hands were clenched tightly at his side.
"Is it true?" he barked at Xander.
"Is what true?"
"What the Niblet told me. She's out there...with that...that...broken down old librarian?"
"Oh," Xander grinned. "You mean *Buffy*. Yeah. She's out with Giles. On a date. I wouldn't wait up."
"But...she can't."
"Why not? They both seemed pretty happy with the idea, and I don't see what business it is of yours."
"He's old."
Xander bit his lip to keep from laughing out loud.
"That's a good one, grandpa," he said as soon as he could manage it. "And hey, he's got a heartbeat, which is more than I can say for some guys she's dated. Face it, Peroxide Boy, you're the ex. In fact, after what you tried to do to her, count yourself lucky that you lived long enough for me to call you that. If you ask me, Buffy's taste in men has improved a whole lot."
"I don't remember asking you anything, you sodding poofter."
"Well, I'm telling you, anyway. Don't make any trouble for them."
"Or what?" the vampire sneered. "You'll stake me? Just remember, Buffy still wants me here. You'd never go against her. You're too Slayer whipped."
"Maybe. But at least Buffy knows she can count on me. She's never been able to say that about you, has she? And soul or no soul, I don't see a lot of difference in the way you treat her. It's all about what you want, what you need, and what you think you deserve. If you really cared about her, you'd have taken a walk in the sun by now. Have you ever even apologized to her?"
"Have you and Red?" When Xander flushed guiltily, Spike gloated. "Thought not. I'm not the one who brought her back and then left her to dig herself out of her own grave. I stuck by her when you and the others all ran away as soon as you knew where you'd saved her from. Don't get on your high horse and tell me I'm the bad guy."
"I may not be perfect, but I never tried to rape her."
"No. But you're the one who broke her down."
"And you're the one who took advantage of it. She'd never have let you near her if she wasn't so bad off."
"Y'know, it must just eat you up inside, knowing it's all your fault I got to shag her rotten all that time." He smiled as Xander flinched. "You always wanted her, didn't you? But she didn't turn to you. When things got bad, she turned to me to make them better. And it was fan-bloody-tastic. Muscles I never knew women had. And talk about your stamina!"
"Shut up, Spike."
"Slayers aren't like other girls, you know. They like it kinky. Like it rough. If you knew some of the places we did it...some of the games she liked to play...once we even did it where she could watch you and Red and your demon the whole time and laugh at you."
"That's a lie!"
"You'd like to think so, wouldn't you?" The vampire lit up a cigarette. "She thinks you're nothing but a lapdog."
That's when Xander took the first swing.
*****
Giles guided his fork to Buffy's mouth. He nearly groaned as he slid it back and watched her tongue flicker out to gather up an errant drop of cream sauce from her lower lip. The little satisfied sound she made delighted him. This both was and wasn't the Buffy he remembered. In every way that counted, she was the girl he'd met so long ago in the Sunnydale High library, but she showed evidence of a maturity he'd never seen before. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was so young.
But there were also times he could pretend her destiny hadn't robbed her of her youth.
"Mmmm, yummy," she pronounced as soon as she'd swallowed. "Want a bit of mine?"
He leaned forward to accept the proffered bite. As it passed his lips, he smiled at her.
"Delicious," he told her. After a moment, he spoke again. "What shall we do after dinner? Did you want to go to The Bronze? O-or possibly see a film?"
"You sound like you're sixteen, Giles," she giggled.
"You'd best hope I'm not, or I'd be a bit young for you. You might even get in trouble with the law."
"Like that would be something new. I just meant you seem a lot younger when you're happy. It's a good. We can use a good or two about now."
"Yes, we certainly can," he agreed. "So, have you decided what you'd like to do next?"
She set down her knife and fork.
"You know what I'd really, really love? A night where I don't share my room with six scared Potentials, and the certain knowledge that I can completely drain the hot water heater without a dozen teenage girls' bladders exploding because I'm hogging the only bathroom. I thought it was bad when it was just me, you, Dawn, Willow and Tara trying to share it. Now, there's a whole new definition of bad."
"It's astonishing the pipes have held so long."
"Xander's friend may have cost a bundle, but the work was good. And I guess my little hot water pipe dream is gonna have to stay that way until all this is over," she sighed.
"Not necessarily," he said slowly. "I do have some resouces left. We could...um...we could...go to a hotel. If you'd like. Have a night off from the overwhelming mass of girlhood."
Buffy frowned in thought.
"Are we talking one room or two?" she asked.
"Well...I...um, I suppose that depends."
"On what?"
"On whether or not you can stand to share your room with one very neat, very quiet man."
"Giles, are you...I mean...did you just proposition me?"
"Yes, actually." He reached across the table and took her hand in his own. "Look, under more normal circumstances, I wouldn't ask so quickly. I'd...wine you and dine you and possibly buy you bits of jewelry, and so on. It's just...I don't know when I'll have another chance...when we'll have another chance to be together like this. It's entirely up to you, of course, but I'd very much like to make love with you."
She looked at their entwined hands seriously.
"I don't know why," she said at last. "After everything I've done...all the stupid mistakes I've made. I'm no prize."
"No, you're not."
"Wh-what?" she asked, startled.
"You're not a prize. You never have been."
"Gee, thanks," she said. She started to pull her hand away, but he held it more firmly.
"I mean it, Buffy," he said seriously. "I've watched them. Angel, Riley, Spike, they all treated you as if you were...some sort of reward for a life well-lived, or a consolation prize for other things they'd lost. You're not. You're a strong, beautiful, stubborn, intelligent, confounding, and frustrating person in your own right. You're you, and there's nobody I'd rather be with. But it's also entirely your decision. If you decide you'd like a night all to yourself, then we shall have separate rooms, or even go home, if that's what you'd prefer. And if you'd like some time to decide, we can even have dessert in the meantime."
"Up to me, huh? Everything seems to be up to me, lately. World saving, sister raising, house caring, and now this. Is it really shallow of me to want to punt?"
"Probably," he chuckled. "But all those other things, you could ask for help with, you know. There are some forty people living in that house. Surely one or two of them might know a bit about some of those things, or would at least be willing to share the burden a little."
"And you do pick up after yourself...which is more than I can say for a couple of the Potentials. Or Dawn."
"So, what do you say, Buffy? Would you like a night off to sleep by yourself? Would you like to be held?"
"Would you care for some dessert?"
Both looked a bit startled at the waiter's question. A moment, later both were laughing at the absurdity of the situation.
"No, thanks," Buffy managed to gasp out at last. "I think we're ready for the check."
The waiter left the bill. Giles pulled out his wallet.
"Oh no, you don't," she said as she rummaged for her money. "I asked you out. Dinner's on me."
"I really don't mind..."
"Uh uh, Giles. We're living in the twenty-first century now. You know, the one where even women have jobs and can pay for their own meals."
"At least let me leave the tip."
"Nah, you're paying for two hotel rooms. I think I've got dinner."
"Ah. I see you've decided."
"Stop making with the puppy eyes," Buffy admonished him. "I...it's not that I wouldn't...I mean...it's just the first chance I've had to sleep alone in months. And that *so* didn't come out the way I meant."
"It's quite all right," he laughed. "Separate rooms, it is."
"I just need some time to myself to figure stuff out."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Buffy. As I said, the decision was entirely yours. And my offer was motivated as much by a wish to give you a bit of a break as it was by my libido."
Buffy nodded and counted out the money to leave for the check and the tip. She placed it on the table, and stood.
"Come on," she said, "let's go have some alone time."
He was pleased that she still twined her fingers with his as they left the restaurant.
*****