Lessons Learned at Last
by: Miss Witch & GilesFan
Rated PG-13
Giles sipped silently a new cup of tea as he watched them. He was glad to see them responding well to Faith's surprisingly good, if non-traditional teachings. They showed an energy and a confidence that had been sorely lacking for some time. Giles desperately hoped that their current trust wasn't once again misplaced. He would do whatever was necessary to win this war. He just prayed that the cost wasn't too high.
Sighing, Giles sat the teacup on the counter and walked to the living room. He wanted to pull specific texts for Dawn to research. Giles stopped in the doorway. Buffy sat on the edge of the couch, her eyes red from crying, her hands folded in her lap.
"I want to help." she said, her voice carefully devoid of emotion. Buffy studiously avoided looking at Giles. "There must be something I can do." Giles stared at her silently for a moment. He'd never thought he'd live to see the day when Buffy's spirit was completely broken. The realization that it was he who broke it made his heart ache almost beyond his ability to bear.
"You can train and patrol. Take Spike with you if you like." Giles said softly. Buffy looked at him for the first time.
"Do I have to?" she asked softly. "Take Spike." Buffy clarified when Giles looked at her in confusion.
"No, of course not, Buffy." he said, a bit of warmth creeping into his voice. "Just be careful. Avoid getting into any confrontations with the Bringers." he instructed. Buffy nodded and rose from her seat.
"I should go." she said, nodding towards the back of the house. "I should train with the others." Buffy began walking towards the back, but Giles caught her by the arm, stopping her.
"Give them a day." Giles said. "I don't think your presence would improve matters today." Buffy nodded silently, knowing he was right. She looked down at the hand holding her arm. Giles had strong hands, even dangerous hands. But Buffy knew they could be gentle, too. Buffy could remember how gentle they'd been as he had tended to her wounds over the years. They had given her such comfort, holding her when her mother had died, enfolding her when Willow had tried to kill them, caressing her cheek in the Magic Box after her resurrection. [A miracle, he called me.] Buffy thought sadly. [Some miracle.]
For the first time, she noticed how close they were standing. There were mere inches between their bodies. Buffy could smell the soap he'd used in the shower and feel the warmth of his body. She fought the urge to lean forward until her body was pressed against his.
Giles followed her gaze and realized that he was still holding her arm. He quickly released her, moving away as though he'd been burned. Giles strode over to the table with several arcane texts on it.
"Go rest, Buffy," he ordered, his back to her. "You should conserve your strength for patrolling."
Buffy stared at Giles, his back stiff and straight. She knew that she'd been dismissed and it hurt. Her only function would be to patrol now, to keep the vampire population down while the others prepared for the real fight.
"Yes Giles." she whispered softly, before turning and climbing the stairs to her room.
Giles stood motionless, books in hand, as he listened to her footsteps on the stairs. He waited for the sound of the bedroom door closing before he released the breath he was holding and resumed shuffling through the books.
*************************
Buffy checked her weapons one last time before pulling her jacket on. Tying the belt, she picked up the sword that lay on her bed.
Buffy had grown to appreciate the chore of patrolling at night. It made her feel useful, a feeling that had been sorely missing over the past few days. Things had quickly fallen into a routine once Giles had taken control. Train, research, patrol.
Under Faith's tutelage, the potentials were quickly becoming a team of fighters, growing more confident in their own abilities and in each other. Buffy regretted the fact that she'd never taken the time to build the sort of loyalty that Faith was receiving now. The potentials had followed Buffy simply because she was the Slayer. They followed Faith because she'd proven she was a leader. [God, I messed up on so many levels.] Buffy thought sadly.
The research team of Dawn, Willow and Giles had gained just a few leads, but each one was a step towards understanding how to defeat their foe. Dawn had come into her own, approaching both physical training and the researching assignments with energy and surprising talents. They had found several of the young girls interested as well, so their early evenings were often spent in heated discussions about the meanings of different passages and possible translations and comparisons of different legends from their many cultures. Having speakers of so many different languages was becoming useful.
Buffy had stayed in the background as much as possible, training apart from the other girls, eating when no one was around, watching how things were just falling into place now that she wasn't in charge. She'd avoided Spike as much as possible, much to his dismay. But Buffy didn't want to be near him. He'd tried to corner her while she was on patrol, but Buffy had been able to shake him.
Spike had accepted Giles' leadership and had helped some with training, but mostly he had stayed away from the house. Buffy was relieved by that. He made her incredibly uncomfortable now in ways that she could not easily define and she couldn't understand her previous almost desperate need of him.
She knew Spike was confused by her new attitude and thought it was probably unfair to him. Yet, it was easier to blame Spike for the tension between her and Giles then it was to accept the blame for it herself. And of course she was still bothered by his casual attitude regarding the potentials' deaths and by his condescending attitude towards Giles. But really, she couldn't help fearing that if Giles saw her with Spike, he'd give up on her completely.
The distance between Buffy and Giles had widened over the past days. She'd watched him interact with the other girls, her heart heavy. She stood in the doorway watching when he had written a verse in Sanskrit on Rona 's cast, making everyone laugh and scramble for the dictionary to translate it. She had come into the hallway in time to see her consoling another potential over having to spend her birthday away from her family. He had given her a gentle hug before sending her to the kitchen where Andrew had prepared surprise cupcakes for her and the other girls. As for Buffy, he had been civil, giving her clear instructions for patrol assignments and politely asking after her well being. But there was no warmth there and he never smiled at her.
Buffy sighed, the emptiness inside her aching. She missed Giles. Even though they were living in the same house together, she missed him. She missed his gentle smiles and hands on her shoulders as he spoke to her. Buffy missed the way he sometimes stuttered when he talked to her. Hell, right now, she missed the way he yelled at her. Anything would've been better then the cool civility he was treating her with now. Absently rubbing the heel of her hand over her heart, Buffy wondered if that ache would ever go away.
Buffy was dragged from her dark thoughts by a soft knock on her door. Opening it, Buffy found Willow on the other side, her hands in her jacket pockets.
"You ready?" Willow asked. Buffy nodded and the two girls silently walked down the stairs and out of the house.
"Thanks for coming with me." Buffy said softly, as they walked along the sidewalk. "I think you're the only person who talks to me willingly. I'm pretty sure Dawn's only speaking to me because I'm her sister." Buffy added wryly. Willow gave a small smile and shrugged.
"It's not like I have any room to pass judgment." Willow told her. "I mean, tried to destroy the world and all."
"Still…" Buffy said. "It means a lot."
"It must be hard." Willow pointed out. "No one talking to you." Buffy shook her head.
"I could handle that. I mean, even Xander has shown a bit of forgiveness." Buffy smiled as she remembered her conversation with him. She had slipped out of the house the first day to visit him in the hospital. He'd informed her that he was mad as hell, but he still loved her. Buffy had nearly cried with relief at his words and they had spent a long time just holding hands and trying to reconnect with each other. "So, you know, with the two of you still caring, I could handle it." Buffy stared up at the star filled sky. "It's just…"
"Giles." Willow finished for her. Buffy nodded.
"Yes, Giles." she admitted. "I remember when he left me last year. I was so lost without him. That's how I ended up with Spike. Stupid, huh?" Buffy asked rhetorically. "I felt so lost and alone, and I never thought I'd crawl out of the pit of depression I'd fallen in. It was awful." Buffy stopped and turned to look at her best friend. "And it's like a walk in the park on a bright sunny day compared to what I feel now." Willow's face was a picture of sympathy.
"I know, Buffy, and I don't mean to be all blamey or anything when you hurt so much already, but I don't know if you really appreciated what he had gone through. When you died, I thought we'd lose him too…." Her voice trailed off and her face reflected her own painful memories. "But he kept it together, for Dawn mostly, and us too I guess, and then anyway, you were back. I know he was mad at me, like ready-to-kill-me-mad, but goddess, he was so happy too. When he first saw you in the Magic Box, I thought he was going to cry. Or maybe kiss you." Buffy's eyes opened wide at the last statement.
Willow mistook her reaction and smiled sadly for a moment. "You know I was all caught up in being Miss Magic and all that, and I was kinda mad at him for not being impressed enough with me, but even with my own rose-quartzy glasses, I could see that he was really hurting." she said softly. "You never seemed to notice he was there. And then, after that thing with Spike…" Willow's voice trailed off.
"Which thing with Spike?" Buffy snorted. "There have been too many times I put him before Giles."
"Why did you, Buffy?" Willow spoke with genuine puzzlement. "Again, not with the blame or the judgment, but I just don't understand how you've kept on with Spike all this time and how you pushed Giles away." The two women stared at each other for a moment before walking again. Buffy was silent for a moment and then answered.
"At first it was because he was here and Giles wasn't. And while it made me feel bad, at least I was feeling. But I broke it off, I really did. I knew it wasn't right. And then he went and got a soul for me. I didn't know what to do. I can't kill him-he has a soul and he got it for me."
"Maybe he got it for you Buffy, but you didn't ask him. You're not responsible for that."
"I don't know, Wills. I think I am. At least I thought I was. Maybe I was flattered, here he had gone and done this for me, and of course Giles couldn't even be bothered to come back with you."
"He had things to do at the coven," Willow began to explain, but Buffy cut her off.
"I know, but when he came back, I couldn't figure him out. One minute he's telling me that the fate of the entire world rests on me and that he can't help me at all. Then he's telling me that he knows best and I should listen to him. I haven't really felt connected to him for months." She paused. "He didn't even hug me when he came back." Buffy murmured softly. Shaking her head to clear her mood, she continued. "And then he goes and tries that stunt with Robin."
"I was so pissed off." Buffy admitted. "He jumps in and out of my life and tries to judge it. I was mad that he goes and gives me all this responsibility and speeches about duty, but then he didn't believe in me, didn't trust that I knew what I was doing." She hefted the sword in her hand so that the flat of the blade rested against her shoulder.
"So, you decided to show him that he was wrong." Willow said. It wasn't a question but a statement. Buffy gave a derisive snort.
"And boy, did I show him or what?" she said sarcastically. Growing serious, Buffy frowned. "It wasn't just about showing him he was wrong. It was about hurting him as much as he hurt me." Buffy confessed softly. Willow put her arm around Buffy's shoulder.
"It'll be ok, Buffy." she assured. "Giles never stays mad at you for long." Buffy desperately wanted to believe Willow, but deep down, she feared that this time would be different, that things had gone too far for them to recover from.
"I don't know, Willow." Buffy said. "I think the emotional marathon man is going to be doing the Iron Man race on this one."
***********************
Spike bided his time, waiting for Buffy to return from patrol. She was avoiding him, and it rankled. Ever since the blasted Watcher had taken over, she'd done everything in her power to be as far away from him as possible. Spike kicked the tree in anger. [Damn her.] he thought. [Doesn't she know I'm on her side?]
It pissed him off to have to follow the orders of the old Watcher. But unlike what he had told Buffy, Spike never considered Giles useless or powerless. He was probably the one person that he actually feared and other than Buffy, the only one in the gang he really respected. [Well, Red can be pretty tough when she's all bad, and I guess the Boy Wonder has guts if no power, and the Niblet's shown some character recently, but really overall, they are a pretty pitiful bunch.]
But Spike had lived with Giles, he knew his power and abilities. [The bloody Scoobies always underestimated him-when they were estimating him at all. They have no idea what they were ignoring.] But Spike knew and more importantly, he knew ol' Rupe's weaknesses too.
Spike had done as he was told, waiting for his opportunity for payback. He wondered idly if Giles had ordered Buffy to stay away from him. And if Buffy was obeying, trying to get back in the Watcher's good graces.
Spike lit a cigarette as he watched Buffy return, the witch in tow. Spike had heard Buffy ask Willow to patrol with her, much to his annoyance. He'd repeatedly offered to patrol with her, but Buffy had rather coldly told him that she preferred to patrol on her own.
Spike waited, watching as the light in Buffy's room went on. He knew from experience that she'd be alone. She spent most of her time alone, since none of the others wanted anything to do with her. It was ironic, but he now had a better relationship with the annoying little potentials then she did.
He'd been positive that this situation would drive Buffy into his arms. Spike had waited impatiently for her to come to him so he could comfort her. But it had had the opposite effect and she'd stayed away from him like he had the plague.
Crushing the cigarette beneath his shoe, Spike crept quietly into the house. Avoiding the potentials in the living room, he snuck up the stairs and knocked quietly on Buffy's door.
"Come in." Buffy's voice had a note of surprise and hope in it. Spike opened the door and stepped inside, drinking in the sight of Buffy in her shorts and t-shirt, ready for bed. Buffy's face fell as she saw who was standing there. "Oh, it's you." she said, her voice flat. Annoyed, Spike shut the door behind him.
"You don't have to sound so excited." he said sarcastically. "I just came to see how you're doin', luv." he informed her. "I haven't seen you in awhile." Buffy shrugged.
"I'm not your love," she said simply, crawling on to her bed. "And I'm fine." Buffy sat at the head of the bed, and pulled her knees up to her chin. Spike sat on the edge of her bed, within arm's reach.
"You sure?" he asked. "You don't seem fine." He reached out to touch Buffy, but she pulled away.
"I am fine, Spike," Buffy repeated, her voice firm. Frustrated, Spike shook his head.
"We've been through this, Buffy. Haven't you learned yet that its not all your fault?" he said, ignoring her words. "You can't carry the guilt of those two girls." Buffy looked at him in disbelief.
"It WAS my fault. I should've known better, but I was so busy…" Buffy trailed off. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "They were my responsibility. One I didn't take seriously enough." [God, I don't want to go through this with him again.] Buffy thought, exhausted. [Why won't he just leave me alone?] Taking another tack, Spike leaned forward, his eyes soft and caring.
"Buffy, I'm worried about you." he said softly. He reached out and caressed her cheek. Buffy held herself still as his cold hand touched her skin. She looked down at his hands. Like Giles', they were strong and dangerous. And they could even be gentle at the times. But unlike Giles', the gentleness was never real and it never lasted. And the hands were cold, so cold. She pulled away.
"Go away, Spike." Buffy said softly. "Please. Just leave me alone." Infuriated, Spike stood and began pacing the room.
"You're the reason I'm here. The reason I've done any of this." he spat. "Bloody hell, I got my soul back for you." Buffy stared at him. Willow's words echoed in her head. {"Maybe he got it for you Buffy, but you didn't ask him. You're not responsible for that."}
"I never asked you to." she repeated the words out loud, watching him move back and forth across the room. He stopped at the foot of her bed to glare at her.
"Well, I did. Just for you. You owe me!" he declared. Buffy blinked. Suddenly, everything fell into place. Spike had gotten his soul back and she'd felt guilty about it. Guilty because he'd done this because he thought it was what she wanted. She'd kept him around out of guilt, until she didn't recognize it any more. Buffy realized that she'd mistaken her guilt for something else, something more. Spine straightening, Buffy glared at the vampire.
"I owe you nothing." she hissed. "Now I think you better leave."
Growling in frustration, Spike took a quick step towards her, hand outstretched. "Buffy, you don't mean that. I love you."
Buffy's anger flared. "And do you plan to prove your love the way you did last year when you tried to rape me? Spike, I'm all healed up now and if you come any closer, I'll stake you. One more chance: Get. Out."
Spike whirled and wrenched open the bedroom door. "This ain't over, Slayer." he promised. "Not by a long shot." Spike stalked from the room, slamming the door behind him.
Buffy sat back against her pillows, scrubbing her hands over her face. She had a sinking feeling that Spike was right. This wasn't anywhere near over. And she feared that Spike really just had become a liability.
*********
Giles stood in Wood's garage, studying the crosses on the wall. To be honest, he found it a bit disturbing, but was unsurprised considering the man's history.
"You want to what?" Wood asked in disbelief. Giles turned to face him.
"I'd like to use the school gym tomorrow night for some training. The girls need to know how to handle weapons, and the yard at the house isn't large enough." Giles explained patiently. He smiled. "Besides, I thought you could teach them how to handle knifes in close combat. Faith is doing what she can, but even she has more to learn." Wood nodded, casually studying the walls of his garage.
"Dawn tells me you're in charge now." he said, never looking at Giles.
"Yes." Wood turned to look at him.
"Have you staked Spike yet?" he asked, clearly trying to keep his voice neutral, but unable to disguise his eagerness. Giles shook his head.
"No. He may prove to be useful yet." Wood stared at him incredulously.
"What?" he demanded. "Have you lost your mind? He's a vampire." Wood pointed to his neck. "Look what he did to me." Giles stared at the bandage.
"I know." Giles said regretfully. "But I think we may be able to use him to our advantage. I know he's frustrated by the current situation, but he is still helping us." Wood snorted in disbelief.
"You just don't want to piss Buffy off." he guessed. Giles shook his head sadly.
"That's not it at all. Frankly, I doubt that my relationship with Buffy could get any worse. Spike still has his uses." Giles maintained. Wood stared hard at the Watcher, before nodding.
"Tomorrow night then." he agreed. The two men shook hands and Giles headed out into the night.
***********************
Buffy stood apart from the girls who'd clumped themselves into little groups, talking nervously amongst themselves. They were excited about this new training and to be out of the house together. Buffy wondered if Giles would allow her to help or if he'd expect her to take a place with the girls.
Buffy was more than a little surprised that she'd been included on this outing. When Giles had made the announcement at breakfast that morning, he'd turned to her and informed her that she'd forego patrol to join them.
Buffy's heart had leapt when he'd spoken to her, his voice soft. [Maybe, just maybe, he's ready to forgive me.] Buffy thought. Buffy looked over to where he stood with Principal Wood, their heads close together as they spoke. The white bandage stood out starkly against Wood's dark skin. Buffy winced as she stared at it. One more thing she was responsible for. One more person who's forgiveness she needed to seek.
Giles watched Buffy out of the corner of his eye as he spoke to Wood, outlining what he wanted to do. Her face had lit up this morning when he'd told her he wanted her here for training. Giles had seen the hope light in her eyes. It had taken all of his will power not to smile back at her.
Now he watched as she stood apart from the others, no longer included in their banter. He'd never really realized how truly cruel young people could be. They, for all intent and purposes, pretended she didn't exist. Although Willow had been privately supportive, even Dawn had distanced herself from her sister. Pity stirred inside Giles, but he tamped it down. There was no time for pity.
Everyone turned as the gymnasium doors crashed open and Spike strode into the room.
"Right. I'm here as ordered." he sneered at Giles. Buffy's heart sank, any hope she had of forgiveness evaporating. Now she knew why Giles had wanted her here. She was here to control Spike. Although he had been fairly good in training with the girls, he still tended to get a bit rough with them. Giles probably thought Spike would be on his best behavior if Buffy was around. Buffy dropped her head, her shoulders slumping.
Giles was still watching Buffy when Spike stormed into the room. Buffy was clearly unhappy to see him. Actually he had been surprised to see how little time the two had spent together since the night at the vineyard. He wondered what had passed between them and how Buffy really felt about the vampire.
Spike strode over to the Watcher, his anger palpable. He had spent all day brooding about Buffy's rejection the night before. He blamed the Watcher for her change of feelings and resented being ordered about. Especially when told that failure to appear would result in Faith dragging him out for some special training in the daylight. Faith had grinned and rubbed her hands in anticipation when Giles had said that, and that had grated on Spike even more. He'd had just about enough.
"Spike," Giles said by way of greeting. "I thought that you could demonstrate some methods of attack commonly used by vampires." Spike's lip curled into a vicious smile.
"Be glad to." he said, lunging forward. He threw Wood against the wall and grabbed Giles by the throat.
Giles was caught off-guard by Spike's sudden attack. Recovering quickly, Giles broke the hold Spike had gained on his neck, and slammed his fist into the vampire's nose. Blood gushed down Spike's face, enraging him further. Giles ducked as Spike swung at him, narrowly escaping a broken nose.
Buffy gasped in horror as Spike attacked Giles. She rushed forward to help him but was stopped by Faith.
"Relax, B." she said. "It's only an act." Buffy stared at Faith in disbelief.
Buffy had known both Giles and Spike long enough to know when they were fighting for real. And this was for real. She could see that Giles was quickly losing ground despite his best efforts. Weaponless, he couldn't counter the vampire's strength. He kicked out but Spike grabbed his leg and flipped him to the ground. Crouching next to him, he let his face morph as he pulled Giles close to him.
[Spike's going to kill him, and no one's going to stop him because they don't think it's real.] Buffy realized in horror.
"That's not an act." Buffy protested. Galvanized by fear, she pushed Faith away and sprinted forward.
"Think you can take everything I worked for away from me?" Spike growled softly in Giles' face. "That you can take her away from me?" Giles pushed against Spike, trying to get enough air into his lungs to call for help. Since everyone believed that this was a demonstration, no one was rushing to help him.
Giles closed his eyes as he felt Spike's fangs touch his neck. He waited
for his life to flash in front of his eyes, but it was only Buffy that he saw. Buffy defiant as she left to face the Master, Buffy leaping off the tower to defeat Glory, Buffy angrily yelling "I can't do this without you" outside the old factory and then again, whispering it on the streets a few nights ago. Suddenly, Giles realized that he was, in fact, seeing his life pass before his eyes. That everything came down to her. Even his death.
Spike's fangs were sharp as they sank into his neck but there wasn't as much pain as Giles expected. Then, as suddenly as the pain started, it was gone in a sudden shower of dust. Coughing, Giles opened his eyes to find Buffy staring down at him, her pale face devoid of emotion.
"You were right," she said softly. "He was a liability. We can do this without him." Buffy paused. "But we can't do this without you. "
Buffy spoke in a quiet even tone, staring at the small bloody marks on Giles' neck. Without thinking, she reached out to touch the wounds. For a moment Giles saw her heart in her eyes and then the walls she'd built were back.
Turning, Buffy stared at the shocked potentials that had gathered around.
"This lesson's been learned." Buffy said shortly. "Now get to work." Without another word, Buffy turned and left the gym.
***********************
Faith caught up with Buffy several blocks away from Sunnydale High and fell into step beside the blonde Slayer.
"Guess you were right back there." Faith admitted. "It wasn't an act." Buffy nodded curtly.
"Doesn't make up for the rest of my crimes." Buffy murmured. Faith looked at Buffy curiously.
"How long you prepared to pay for them?" Faith asked. Buffy stopped and faced her.
"As long as it takes." Buffy swore fiercely. "I will do whatever I have to to earn his forgiveness." Faith cocked her head and grinned.
"He loves you, you know." Confused, Buffy frowned.
"What are you talking about, Faith?" she asked. Faith's grin grew wider.
"You really are stupid, B. You know that?"
Buffy stared at her with a confused expression. Faith laughed and began to stroll back to the gym.
************
Giles winced as Willow taped the bandage to his neck. Around them, the potentials were training fiercely, spurred on by what they'd seen earlier.
"There you go. Good as new." she declared. Giles grimaced as he stood.
"Thank you." Willow stepped back, watching Giles thoughtfully.
"You need to forgive her, Giles." she said softly. Giles fixed her with a glare, but Willow stood her ground, glaring back. "It's gone on long enough." Giles shook his head.
"No, I don't think so." he muttered angrily. Willow sighed at his stubbornness.
"Giles, Buffy regrets what happened. How does making her miserable help matters?" she asked. Willow moved her hands helplessly. "She's still the Slayer. You need her."
"I need her in battle, and battle alone." Giles spat angrily. Willow's mouth formed an 'o' as she suddenly understood.
"This isn't about what happened at the vineyard, is it?" she asked, realization in her eyes. "This is about how she treated you." Giles turned away, flustered.
"Of course not. Buffy was reckless and it cost the lives of two innocent girls." Giles stared at the girls that filled the gym. "She doesn't deserve forgiveness." Willow stepped nearer, putting her hand on his arm. Giles looked down at her.
"Giles, you once told us that forgiveness wasn't given because it was deserved. It was given because it was needed. Buffy needs it." Giles blinked, stunned by her words. Willow continued. "And Giles, I think you need to give it just as much as she needs to receive it."
*********************
Buffy stood at her window, staring out at the darkness. The potentials had returned to the house several hours ago, clattering about the kitchen, squabbling over the bathroom. Buffy had listened to their excited chatter with half an ear. She was sure they were talking about their evening, rehashing events over and over. Slowly, the house had grown quiet as they went to bed one by one.
She'd almost lost Giles tonight. The realization nearly killed her. She had a taste of life without him, and the possibility of it being forever terrified her. Although she feared that their relationship would never again be what it was, she always held on to the faint hope of forgiveness. If Giles had died, that hope would have been forever lost. And what of the world? [He may be our only hope of defeating The First. If he was gone, they might lose the world.] All of it would've been her fault once again. Her fault because she'd insisted that Spike was important, would be useful.
In the moments she'd watched him fighting Giles, Buffy had known how untrue that was. She couldn't imagine what she'd been thinking to trust the vampire with their lives. [Why didn't I stake him years ago when I had the chance?] she wondered. [It would've saved everyone so much pain and heartache.] Buffy turned her head at the soft tap on her door.
"Come in." she called softly, turning from the window. She imagined that Willow wanted to talk to her about what had happened, what had nearly happened, at the gym. Buffy's eyes widen in stunned amazement as Giles stepped silently into her room. They stared at each other for a moment. Finally, Giles turned and shut the door behind him.
"Buffy…" Giles started, only to find he didn't know what to say to her. Licking her lips nervously, Buffy took a step forward.
"I'm sorry." Buffy said, wincing as she heard how pathetic the words sounded to her ears. "You were right, I should've staked Spike long ago." Afraid that Giles would leave if she got too close, Buffy bravely took another step closer. She had to see that he was alright. "I couldn't have handled it if he'd killed you."
"Thank you." Giles said softly. "But really, I don't know that I would've blamed you if you'd let him kill me. Not after the way I've treated you." Buffy shook her head in denial.
"No, you were right. You had every right." she protested. "I was stupid, and I deserve to pay for that." Giles took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You didn't deserve to be treated as an outcast." he argued, replacing his glasses. "I was just…" Giles words trailed off, and he looked aimlessly around the room, searching for the right word. "Hurt." he finally said, looking up to catch her eye. Ashamed, Buffy hung her head.
"I know, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to earn your forgiveness." she swore, her voice barely audible. Giles moved forward, closing the distance between them. Buffy gasped in surprise as his hand touched her cheek, warm against her skin.
"You have it." Giles told her gently. Buffy looked up at him, her eyes bright with hope, searching his face. Giles smiled at her, the warm, loving smile that she'd missed so desperately. Buffy threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him. Tears welled up, but unlike so many cried before, they were tears of happiness and relief.
Giles pulled her close, hugging her tightly to him. Giles understood what Willow had meant when she had said that he needed this as much as Buffy. He needed Buffy not just for the battle, but as his reason to do battle. He rested his cheek against the top of her head.
"I love you, Giles." Buffy murmured, her voice muffled by his sweater. She realized with surprise that she had never really said that to him and she felt the words echo gently in her heart. Giles pressed a gentle kiss to her hair.
"I love you too, Buffy." he whispered.
His words washed over her, through her, filling the empty spaces and healing so much pain. Buffy pressed her cheek against his chest, listening to his heart beat. It seemed to be moving in time with her own which suddenly seemed to be racing.
Buffy pulled away so that she could see his face. What she saw there took her breath away. The love he declared was so clearly written on his face, but it wasn't the love for a daughter or a friend. Suddenly, Faith's words made sense to Buffy. Giles was in love with her. Buffy found herself exhilarated by the discovery. Suddenly Buffy realized just how she had meant the words she had whispered and wondered how she could have waited so long to say them.
Moving her hands to Giles' chest, Buffy fisted them in his sweater. "Giles, I love you," she repeated, her voice trembling with emotion. Standing on her tiptoes, she slowly lifted her face to his. Giles stared in wonder as Buffy brushed her lips against his. When she began to pull away, Giles lifted her up and caught her mouth in a hungry kiss.
Buffy returned the kiss passionately. She hadn't realized before this moment how badly she'd wanted this, needed this, from him. Her lips parted in invitation, and Giles' tongue slid inside. She could taste the tea he'd been drinking earlier as her tongue dueled with his. Giles tried to keep the kiss gentle as he explored Buffy's mouth, his hands running lightly up and down her back, but Buffy pulled his head down and crushed her lips against his. She couldn't get close enough.
Finally, slowly, reluctantly, they pulled away from each other. Buffy lifted her hand and traced Giles' lips with her fingers. Giles captured her hand with his own, pressing a kiss to her fingertips. Gently Giles cupped her face in his hands and pressed another kiss to her lips before drawing away. He stared deeply into her eyes, feeling his pain and anger fade away. He smiled at her and she smiled back with a brightness and warmth he hadn't seen on her in years.
He took a deep breath and smiled. "Tomorrow, you'll help Faith train the girls." Giles told her. "After all, you're My Slayer." Buffy nodded gratefully, understanding that she had been forgiven in every possible way. Then he continued, his voice deep with emotion. "And I can't do this without you."
Buffy choked back a sob at the words. She had cried enough and just wanted to be with him. Her eyes showed him that she understood his meaning. She wanted to heal his pain and let him heal hers. She reached up and mirrored his actions by cupping his face.
"Stay with me tonight, Giles." Buffy requested softly. Giles blinked in surprise, but then pulled her close, his mouth hot on hers, hands in her hair and running along her body. Buffy's last coherent thought as Giles pressed her into her mattress was that neither was going to ever have to do without the other again.
The End