A Mile in His Moccasins
by: Gileswench
Rated NC-17
Contact: gileswench@yahoo.com
Date: 4/22/02
Spoilers: Through As You Were
Summary: When Buffy and Giles switch bodies, they both learn to see things from a different perspective
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Buffy/Giles, mention of B/S, but it's over at this point
Category: Romance
Distribution: If you've had my permission in the past, you have it now. All others, ask and ye shall receive.
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.
Notes: This story comes to you courtesy of Ragna's welcome back Gloveslap #103, which reads as follows: "And for Da Wench, if she should return. I will not be evil, and make you write Riley/Angelus. Lord knows that's *my* punishment. However, I want something...different...from your normal Giles/Buffy fare. I want Giles and Buffy to switch bodies. They have to hook up, too, while in each other's bodies. I mean I want an explicit sex scene in which the sensations of being a female in a male's body during sex are described in lurid detail."
DEDICATION: To Ragna, for tempting me back to the Stoners fold with this enticing challenge, and to all my fellow Stoners, especially THE fabulous Collie whose insane idea YGTS? was in the first place. And last, but not least, to Rari for her occasionally brutal, but always insightful (or is that inciteful?) betaing.
Part 1
Rupert Giles sat sullenly across the desk from Quentin Travers. Giles had never cared much for the man in all the years they'd been colleagues, but at least he'd been able to understand the man's agenda. This was not anything he'd expected.
"You really think I'm going back there? Do you have any idea what you're asking of me?"
"I'm asking that you go back and earn the paycheck we give you, Rupert. I'm asking you to do the thing you seemed so keen on doing this time last year. I'm asking you to go back and watch your Slayer the way you're meant to."
"Buffy doesn't need a Watcher."
"Nonsense, Giles. Every Slayer needs a Watcher, and your Buffy does seem to have her heart set on having you for the job. We fired you, you stayed. We threatened to have you bodily removed and she managed to force our hands so we had to give you two years back salary. She died and you stayed. You'd barely given up and come home when she was back and you were on the next plane to California. We pay you to keep an eye on her and train her, not to mope about Bath ignoring your duties."
"Send someone else, then, and I'll do research or training or some such here."
"Don't think we didn't try. I have personally offered Miss Summers two different Watchers, and she turned both down. I won't repeat what she said. Suffice it to say that her vocabulary remains...colorful. I even offered to send you back."
"I take it her reply was equally colorful?"
"No, but it was illuminating. She didn't say a word; just rang off without so much as a by your leave. I don't pretend to know what sort of quarrel you two have had, but it ends now. The last thing we need is another mentally unstable Slayer."
"Buffy is not Faith."
"No, she isn't. Not yet. And I intend to see that she stays that way. Your flight leaves tomorrow at ten in the morning. You can stay the night here in Council rooms. Anything you need can be sent on to you. You do have your passport with you, do you not?" At Giles' sour glare, Travers allowed himself a smug little smile. "Never mind, we'll just send someone round to fetch it, shall we?"
*****
Giles hated flying. It wasn't because he was afraid the plane would crash or be hijacked to someplace unpleasant, or even the prospect of being trapped in a metal cylinder for hours at a time with no escape. No, it was a far more prosaic reason than that.
There was never enough legroom.
A transatlantic flight always left him stiff and in pain, and that always left him in a temper.
Not to mention that he invariably ended up on the flight with a small unruly child or a squalling baby seated near him. This time it was both. A young mother traveling halfway across the globe with a boy of about six and an infant in arms was seated right across the aisle from him. The boy wriggled and fussed while the baby howled and the mother became more and more frazzled.
Giles shifted uncomfortably again and tried to concentrate on the papers Travers had sent with him about a new demon threat coming to Sunnydale. The last thing he needed to think about was children.
A strange feeling prompted Giles to look up from his papers. He found himself being regarded by the little boy who had decided to come sit next to him while his mother tried unsuccessfully to quiet the baby.
"Will you read me a story?"
"I - a story? I'm afraid I haven't any stories to read that you'd find interesting."
"What's that, then?" The boy pointed a slightly grubby finger at the precious documents spread in Giles' lap. Involuntarily, Giles pulled them out of the child's reach.
"Something grown up that your mum wouldn't want you to hear. Why don't you go back to your seat?"
"It's not as loud here. Zoe won't stop crying. Mummy says it's because her ears hurt. If I could go where I couldn't hear it I would."
"So would I," Giles admitted. "But we can't always do that, can we?"
"Mummy says if I was Zoe, I'd do the same thing, but I don't think I would. Would you?"
"I hope not, but I rather think I might."
"Why?"
"Well, because...Zoe's a baby and she doesn't have any other way of letting people know she's hurt and angry and wants it to stop. As she gets older, she'll learn other ways to cope with her problems."
"It's a stupid way."
"There are worse."
"If I was her, I'd just say."
"If you were her, she'd be sitting next to me right now telling me she would never be so stupid as to yell her head off if she were you. And that's exactly what you'd be doing."
"I'd never!"
"There's a saying among a tribe of American Indians. They say you can never really know a person until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."
"What's a moccasins?"
"A sort of shoe."
The boy frowned as he tried to puzzle out the meaning.
"So if I put on your shoes, I'll know all about you?"
Giles couldn't repress a small smile at the boy's literal interpretation of the phrase.
"It means you can't fully understand someone you're not, so it's best to try not to judge them too harshly."
The mother across the aisle had finally managed to soothe the baby to sleep. She looked up at Giles with a grateful expression.
"Come back here, Antony, and don't disturb the nice man anymore. Now thank Mr...?"
"Giles. Rupert Giles."
"Thanks Mr. Giles," Antony parroted dutifully as he returned to his mother's side.
"Yes, thank you," the mother said quite a bit more sincerely. "I hope he wasn't a bother to you."
"Not at all. In fact, we had a most intriguing philosophical discussion."
The mother smiled and shook her head.
"Your kids are lucky, aren't they? To have such an involved father. My Tim forgets they were born now they're here."
"Oh, I - I haven't any children," Giles stammered.
"I'm sorry. I just assumed, since you were so good with Antony. You seemed like a professional."
"Merely a talented amateur, I assure you."
He gifted Antony's mother with a dazzling smile and returned to his research.
The demon in question looked particularly nasty, but was mainly harmful for the spells it cast when it felt threatened. The spells were unpredictable in nature and effectiveness. Watchers of previous Slayers had written of effects as diverse as felling the Slayer with bolts of lightning to giving her a mild cold that made her lose the beast as she sneezed uncontrollably. As far as he could tell, there was no way to predict what sort of spell might be thrown. The only way to avoid the beasts' magic was to catch it completely unaware.
Giles pinched the bridge of his nose under his glasses. While Buffy had many strengths, subtlety was not one of them.
This whole situation was bound to get worse before it got better.
*****
Part 2
Buffy sighed as she rinsed the final plate and placed it in the rack to drain. Now all she had to do was take out the garbage, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, decide which of the five bills that had appeared in the previous day's mail absolutely had to be paid immediately, write the checks for them, and scrub the toilet before it was time to get into her uniform and go to work. At least she'd managed to cook breakfast and feed Dawn before she had to go to school.
"It just never ends, does it?" she grumbled to herself.
Once she got back from work, she would have to do a quick patrol and then come home to another round of dishes and dropped clothing and garbage and yardwork and window washing and all the things she'd simply taken for granted would be done just a year before.
"How did you do it, Mom?" she wondered.
Of course, it had helped that there had been an adequate household income in her mother's day. There had even been a period before Joyce's illness when there had been a maid service once a week to take care of things like scrubbing in the bathroom and heavy duty vacuuming. Now it was a matter of dealing with whatever was growing mold and playing Russian Roulette with the bills.
Giles' fairy godmother check had long gone to full copper repiping and paying the mortgage.
As for Giles himself...no, she couldn't let herself go there. If she let herself think about it, she would hurt, and then she wouldn't be strong enough to deal with all the things that needed her immediate attention. Things like garbage.
She gathered up the bags and headed to front door. She flung the door open and headed out, head down, only to collide into something solid. The obstruction went down with a muffled 'oof' and Buffy stood staring at something she'd never thought she'd see again: her Watcher sprawled on the ground knocked unconscious.
*****
When Giles came to he found he'd been moved inside and laid on the sofa. Buffy was applying a damp washcloth to his forehead.
"I see you're back," she said in a carefully neutral voice.
"Yes, thanks. Did you carry me in here all by yourself?"
"Will helped. I can deal with the weight, but you're too bulky for me to heave you around without either a hand from someone else or a lot of bruises for you. What brings you back to the Hellmouth?"
"I am your Watcher."
"Could've fooled me."
For the first time, Giles heard the bitterness in her voice. Not for the first time, he mentally kicked himself for not calling and testing the waters before coming over.
"I know you must be upset with me, Buffy..."
"Upset? Maybe looking for a different word here. Maybe something like furious. Or possibly not interested." She tossed the washcloth into a basin of water with a splash that overflowed the sides and sloshed onto the carpet. Buffy stood and took the water into the kitchen. when she returned, she held a steaming mug in her hand. "Sit up. I made you some tea."
Giles reached for the mug gratefully and took a sip. He smiled. A dash of milk and one spoon of sugar. She'd made it just right.
"Thank you."
Buffy shrugged. "I figured you'd need it after that tumble. I could take you to the ER if you want. I think I have time before work."
"No, that's all right. No major damage done, I think. Bit of a headache, but I've had my share of those."
The silence grew uncomfortable as Giles sipped his tea and Buffy stared at him resentfully. Her body was curled in on itself defensively on the farthest chair she could find from him.
"So do I get an explanation or are you just going to walk back into my life like you never left?"
Giles set his mug down on the coffee table and rubbed his chin as he collected his thoughts.
"The Council has decided that you do need a Watcher, after all. I know you know this, because Quentin Travers told me he'd spoken to you on the matter."
"And he knows I told him what he can do with his Council and every Watcher in it."
"Yes, so he told me," Giles said failing utterly to suppress a smile. "But he insisted, and since we've worked together well in the past..."
"Operative word 'past', Giles."
"I'm sorry I left, Buffy, but I really felt I had no choice."
"Did you have one in coming back?"
"No. It was this or a disciplinary hearing and unemployment followed by a general blacklisting from every worthy job I might apply for," he told her bluntly. "I won't lie to you. This was in no way my idea, and I fought against it. I felt you needed more time on your own. But I am glad to see you again. I've...um...I've missed you. More than I realized I would, even."
Buffy looked steadily at the floor.
"Where are you staying?"
"I haven't arranged a room yet."
Buffy shrugged.
"Why pay for a hotel? I've got a couch."
"I wouldn't want to impose..."
"Giles, I'm trying here. Don't make me want to hit you more than I do already."
"Who could resist such an invitation?" Giles observed with a wry half smile. "All right, I'll stay, but just for tonight. I don't mind admitting I'm pretty tired from my flight."
"Yeah. Jet lag's a bitch, I hear. Look, I gotta go get changed for work. You could...maybe take a nap if you want. You can even use my room after I go."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It's okay."
She stood. So did he. They looked at one another awkwardly for a moment. At last Buffy moved to the stairs. She stopped midway up and turned to him again.
"Help yourself if you want some more tea or something. You know where everything is."
Giles watched until she'd finished mounting the stairs and could no longer be seen. He moved to the kitchen. Another cup of tea would be soothing.
*****
"Hey! Buffy! Pick up the pace!"
Buffy looked up, startled.
"I'm sorry, Lorraine. I - I was just...thinking."
"Think about the customers, Buffy."
"Sure. Right. 'Cause that's the Doublemeat way," Buffy smiled, hoping it would impress her boss.
"That's the spirit. Why don't you take over the counter now?"
"Great."
Her smile faded when she saw who was at the front of the line.
"Spike, what are you doing here?" she whispered angrily.
"Got a break coming up, pet? I want to talk."
"I told you it's over. We have nothing to talk about."
"Because you say it's over? What about my feelings?"
Buffy closed her eyes and willed herself not to hit the vampire.
"I have a job to do. You're keeping me from doing it. Go away."
She smiled as brightly as she could and craned her neck around Spike.
"Next, please!"
Spike glared at her.
"This isn't over, Blondie."
He swept out of the restaurant, taking several packets of condiments with him, just because. As soon as he was gone, Buffy let out a relieved sigh. When she looked up, Lorraine was there beside her.
"You need to tell your boyfriend not to visit you at work. You have more important things to do right now."
"He's not my - I mean, I'll tell him. Again. He's not very good at listening."
"Or maybe you're not very good at understanding I mean this. No boyfriends at work."
Lorraine returned to her office. Buffy counted to ten under her breath. She needed this job. She didn't dare lose it in a fit of anger. She pasted on another bright smile and turned back to the line waiting for service.
"May I take your order, please?"
*****
Despite the fatigue of a long flight and yet another knock on the head, Giles found he was too restless to take the nap Buffy had suggested. He wandered from room to room for a while seeing what had changed and what remained the way he remembered it. Some familiar items had disappeared, including several reminders of Joyce. Other things were new and spoke of the youthful tastes and limited budget of the current inhabitants.
When he reached Buffy's bedroom door he laid his hand on it, but didn't open the door. True, she'd told him he could go in, but he didn't feel as if he had the right yet. Not until she had forgiven him.
He turned and went downstairs. He'd been at loose ends before, and recently, but this was different. This was being in someone else's house, and it felt almost as if he was intruding simply by being there at all, let alone when none of the residents were about. Had it really been less than a year since he'd felt as though he belonged in this house as much as the people who actually lived here?
Memories filled his head of spending time in these rooms with Buffy and Dawn and Joyce. Then Buffy and Dawn. And finally with Dawn and Willow and Tara. Then with Buffy again, but no longer comfortably. Their sense of camaraderie had died with her, and wasn't revived when she was.
A sudden desire not to think combined with a habit of trying to be useful and occupied at all times made him decide to do a bit of cleaning while he waited for someone to return.
Perhaps if Buffy came home to a sparkling house and a home cooked meal, she would be less inclined to be angry with him.
*****
Part 3
As Buffy trudged wearily home she considered Giles' return yet again. It was clear that he didn't want to be in Sunnydale anymore than she was willing to admit she wanted him around.
Or did she?
Part of her did. But part of her didn't. Part of her wanted the safety and comfort that had always been Giles. The one who kept believing in her no matter what dumb mistakes she made, the one who made things right and gave her what she needed to beat the bad things.
But he'd made himself one of the not safe things when he'd left her. If she let him in, he might pull yet another rug out from under her feet and she wasn't sure she'd be able to take another betrayal.
She stopped in her tracks and sighed. She was too tired to deal with this tonight.
"I said it's over, Spike. When are you going to listen to me?"
"When you say what you mean for once."
"I do mean it."
"Then why are you just standing there? Why won't you even look at me when you say it? Why can I smell you -"
"Stop it! No smelling. And really no nothing else. Please."
"Please, she says?" Spike laughed. "Polite was never your style. Don't try to start now. I told you we weren't finished. I have things to say. Now, you can hear me out right here and now or I can come by your place a bit later and tell your friends what you've been up to. What's it gonna be?"
"Fine. Say what you have to say and go away. I have to get Dawn's dinner home to her. And no smushing it this time. We're not going to do that again. Ever."
"Oh yes we are. You won't be able to help yourself. Doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself you don't want it, you do."
"And sometimes I want to throw myself off a bridge, but I figured out that's not good for me and neither are you. Look, I'm tired and Dawn is probably hungry and her dinner's getting cold."
"And I'm sure she's just sitting home with her salivary glands going all into overdrive for another Doublemeat burger. She doesn't want it."
"It isn't a burger. It's the Chicken Strips."
"Yeah. Big improvement."
"It's what I can do."
Spike shook his head.
"You never were any good at anything but the Slaying, were you?"
"Is that what you came to tell me? Can I go now?"
"Fine. Go on."
Buffy took a step forward only to find Spike moving to block her path.
"Y'know," he said, "you're really something. Just break up with a guy without ever even letting your friends know you were shagging the daylights out of him. Maybe I should take a little jaunt to Los Angeles and let your one true love know what you did with me."
"Angel would stake you and you know it. Are we done?"
"You really don't get it, do you? We're not done. We'll never be done."
"I have to go. Let me through."
Spike stepped aside.
"It's not over. You remember that."
He sauntered off in the direction of his crypt. Buffy watched him go with a racing heart. She fought down the tiny part of her that wanted to run after him and make him make her forget everything. She turned her steps for home and willed herself to move in that direction instead.
*****
When she got home, Buffy heard voices in the dining room. She shrugged off her coat and headed there with the Doublemeat bag in her hand for Dawn. Buffy blinked when she walked into the room.
Giles sat at the head of the table with Dawn on one side and Willow on the other. They were just finishing up a meal. Giles looked up and smiled softly at her.
"Buffy. I hope you don't mind, but we didn't wait. Sit down and I'll get your plate."
"You made dinner?"
"Earning my keep, as it were. Go on, sit down."
Buffy sat with a thump.
"I guess I didn't need to bring this home," she said as she put down the fast food bag in front of Dawn. "I thought you didn't have any dinner."
"Hey, I was surprised too. Nobody told me Giles was coming back. Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I didn't know. Nobody told me, either."
Giles came back and put a plate of food in front of Buffy.
"Here you are. I hope you like it. I was experimenting a bit. There was a rather...unusual assortment in the refrigerator. Still. There it is."
"I haven't had a chance to go grocery shopping this week."
"Well maybe you can go tomorrow," Willow suggested. "You're on the late shift, right?"
"It's a double shift. But I could go the day after."
"Sure. I think we can make it till then. Buffy, I'm gonna go to The Bronze. Mind if I take Dawnie? She finished her homework. Maybe you could even come after patrol?"
"Sure. You guys go. I probably won't show, though. Long day. And another tomorrow."
"And I'm guessing maybe some Watcher/Slayer stuff. I mean, they wouldn't have sent Giles back here if there wasn't mystical stuff going on you need to know about."
"Yes, there is that," Giles agreed. "But I'm sure if Buffy wanted to have a coffee and hear a bit of music that we could still manage to talk afterward. Or I could patrol with you. Kill two birds with one stone."
"Go with me? You haven't done that in forever."
"Would it be all right?"
With Willow and Dawn nodding encouragingly, Buffy felt she had no choice.
"Sure. Great. The more the merrier."
"Hey, maybe you can even talk Giles into coming to The Bronze after," Dawn suggested. "Y'know, celebrate that he's here."
"We'll see. I don't know if I'm going yet."
Willow and Dawn left quickly after that with a few more pleas to both Buffy and Giles that they come along to the club after patrol. As soon as they were gone, Buffy shoved her plate away and stood.
"I didn't think it was that bad," Giles observed.
"No. Just...I'm not hungry. That daily Doublemeat Medley really fills you up. And hey, it's my one perk so I take it."
"How are things, really?"
"Okay. Things are okay."
Giles decided not to push the question for the moment. After a moment Buffy spoke again.
"Thanks. For doing that. I know Dawn is sick of fast food, but it's...fast. I don't always have time to cook now I'm working."
"I did a few other things while I was at it. I hope you don't mind."
"Like what?"
"A spot of cleaning. And a bit of gardening. I left the laundry, though. I wasn't certain if anything needed special handling."
"Wow. All that in one day."
"I had the time." He ran a hand through his hair. "You know, Buffy, if you do a little bit every day, it all gets done and frightening things don't grow behind the toilet."
He smiled slightly to let her know he wasn't scolding her.
Every muscle in her body stiffened. How dare he tell her how easy it was?
"Thanks for the hint, Heloise. I'm gonna catch a shower and change before we go on patrol."
She hurried up the stairs before he could answer. Giles blew out a frustrated breath and went to clear the table. Couldn't Buffy see that he was trying to make it up to her?
*****
If Giles had counted on the old routine of patrol to make things easier, he was faced with severe disappointment. Buffy just seemed to get more upset with him every time he opened his mouth. If he talked about demons and his mission from the Council, she glared and snapped. If he tried to talk about her life since he'd left, she shut down entirely. And he wished to heaven his head would stop aching.
Buffy couldn't believe this was the same Giles who had always been the one thing she felt she couldn't do without. One minute, he would only talk about work, as if he didn't give a damn about her. The next he was telling her how to run her life. What gave him the right? And what if Spike decided to show up? If he did, she was completely screwed.
Which meant that he probably would.
"Look, can we just get this over with, Giles? I know what I'm looking for. Scaly, ugly thing with seriously backfirey mojo. If I see it, I sneak up and take it out. Easy."
"It isn't easy," Giles told her with some asperity. "It has caused untold havoc for centuries. Every time it has been seen it has managed to escape, sometimes at the cost of a Slayer's life."
"I don't die so easy. And I never seem to stay dead."
Giles shook his head in frustration.
"I don't understand you, Buffy. You've always been a fighter. Why won't you fight?"
"That's a laugh coming from you, Braveheart. You left. I was stuck here, but I keep on trying."
"Really? Do you?"
"Don't you dare tell me I'm not trying. God, you're right about one thing, though. You never understood me and you never will. And you know what else, I'll never understand you, either."
"No, you won't because you don't see what's right in front of you."
"And you're completely blind! And - and there's a big, scaly demon behind you, Giles!"
Giles spun around wildly only to find himself knocked to the ground with a scaly claw. He tried to warn Buffy to let the thing go until they could catch it unawares, but she was already leaping for the beast. Buffy was almost on the creature when a bolt of magic flew from its gnarled hand and hit Buffy in the chest. It ricocheted to hit Giles as well. As the Slayer hit the ground, her Watcher lost consciousness for the second time since returning to Sunnydale that morning.
*****
Part 4
When Buffy came to a little while later, she couldn't believe how much her head hurt. Or how tired she felt. She raised one hand to her forehead and was surprised to find so little hair there.
'Great,' she thought, 'that beastie fried my follicles.'
Then she realized there was some object on her face that shouldn't be there. She felt around, still keeping her eyes closed, and found it was a pair of glasses. She pulled them off and sat up. About a second later, she lay down again because her head was spinning. When it stopped, she opened her eyes carefully. Everything was fuzzy. Really fuzzy. And everything felt too big.
She let out a groan, surprised at how low the sound came out.
The next thing she knew there was a face bending over her and a tiny hand expertly checking her pulse.
"It's okay, Buffy. Just lie still a moment."
She knew the voice. She'd heard it before. If only things would stop being so blurred, she'd be able to see who she was talking to. Her companion was female and small and had shortish blondish hair. The voice was talking again. She did her best to concentrate. When would Slayer healing kick in?
"I know this is a bit of a shock, but we'll find a way to sort this out, I promise. Can you try to sit up?"
"What happened? Who are you? And what happened to my voice?"
"It was the demon, Buffy. Why the hell didn't you listen? You just had to attack without thinking, didn't you?"
"It hurt Giles. Is he okay?"
She brought her hand up to her face again and was startled to see how large it suddenly was. She turned it over to look at the ring on the little finger. It was gold with a square cabochon of black onyx. Looking further up her arm, she saw it was encased in a leather jacket that she knew as well as anything in her own wardrobe. Her brain shut down as she stared.
"Here," the woman said. "Put these on and it'll be a bit better."
Buffy accepted the glasses numbly. When they were on, her vision was much better, but nowhere near what she was used to with enhanced Slayer night vision. She looked at the woman.
"That's my body. Who are you and what are you doing in it?"
"Borrowing it while you're in mine, it would seem."
"Giles?"
*****
Somehow the pair made it back to Buffy's house without meeting up with either more demons or anyone they knew. When they got to the door, Giles stood waiting while Buffy rummaged in her pockets for her key. It took both of them a minute to realize what a fruitless task that was. She looked pointedly at Giles. He looked back, confused, then realized the key to the door would be in his care since he was now in Buffy's body. He fished around in her jacket pockets until he came up with the key, then unlocked the door.
Once inside, Giles made tea while Buffy paced the living room. Occasionally she would rub her forehead.
"Giles?" she called to the kitchen.
"Yes, Buffy?" her own voice floated out.
"Could you bring me a few dozen Tylenol with that tea? Your head's splitting."
"That's what it's like when I get knocked out."
"And does your back always feel like this?"
"Like what?"
"Sore and stiff. Is it always like that?"
"Not always," Giles said as he carried the tea tray to the living room and set it on the coffee table with an extra hard thump. "Oh dear. I must remember these things are much closer now I'm so short. Anyway, my back feels like misery because I've been on a very long flight and I've been knocked down twice in less than twenty-four hours. Frankly, I'm relieved it's someone else's problem for the moment. Your back feels just fine."
"Great. So you gonna give it back to me anytime soon? And don't make short jokes while you're me. It's mean."
"It wasn't a joke; it was an observation."
"Fine, quit with the observations, already. And you didn't answer my question."
"I will be delighted to get back into my own skin at the first possible opportunity. Unfortunately, I have no idea how that is to be done."
"So we research."
"We can go to the Magic Box in the morning."
"But what do we do tonight? Why can't we research now?"
"Buffy, take a look in the mirror. You're in no shape to do any effective research right now. You're in a body that has crossed several time zones and been rendered unconscious twice today. Give it a rest."
He rummaged in his suitcase and handed her a bottle of pills from it. She peered at the label curiously.
"What are these?"
"Allergy medication. You'll need to take one of those every day or you'll spend the whole bloody day sneezing my brains out."
"What're you allergic to?"
"Buffy, please. Just take the pills and don't concern yourself with the rest. Now are you taking any medication I should know about?"
"Nope. My body's the picture of health."
"Lucky you."
"Yeah. Lucky me. Giles, what are we gonna do? I don't want to be you and you certainly don't want to be me."
"For now, I suggest we get some sleep. It's late, and my body has been through a lot today. And yours...needs another shower."
Buffy's eyes widened.
"Oh no you don't, Giles! You can't!"
"Buffy, I know what the female body looks like."
"But - but that's my female body! I don't want you to see it naked."
"I'm not precisely eager to have you see mine, either, but I don't see how it's to be avoided and adequate personal hygiene maintained."
Buffy sighed and sat heavily on the sofa. Giles reached for his nose and swore under his breath when he found nothing there. Without a word, Buffy removed his glasses, pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, and handed them to Giles.
"Go ahead. You'll feel better."
He took them, polished the lenses, began to replace them on his face, swore again, and handed them back to Buffy.
"Maybe you could get some sunglasses until you get your bod back."
"I may just do that."
*****
An hour later, the pair were still sitting on the sofa, sipping tea and trying to decide what to do next. They were rapidly coming to no conclusion at all. Buffy squirmed uncomfortably.
"What is it now?" Giles snapped.
"I - you - well, this body needs to go to the bathroom."
"Then go."
"But Giles..."
"We're both going to have to deal with that aspect of things eventually."
"I know, but I was hoping it would be a little longer before we had to."
"Then you shouldn't have had four cups of tea."
"Y'know, if I didn't have to go so bad, I'd come up with a really great answer to that."
Buffy stood and hurried up the stairs to the bathroom. Once inside with the door locked, she hesitated again. She wasn't really sure how this worked.
"Don't look, Buff," she muttered to herself as she carefully undid the unfashionable wool trousers. Underneath, there was a pair of cotton boxer shorts. Underneath that was the thing she'd never wanted to think about Giles having.
A penis.
And a scrotum.
And all that...guy stuff.
She looked up at the ceiling (which was way too close for comfort now), turned around, pulled down all the cloth, and sat as quickly as she could. It seemed to take forever before she hit the toilet seat with a thump.
"When did your legs get so long, Giles?" she muttered.
She stared resolutely at the opposite wall while she dealt with the situation. Everything felt wrong. She wanted her own body back.
"That's sorta ironic, isn't it?" she mused. "But at least I was used to it."
When she was finished, she reached for some toilet paper and shuddered slightly at the thought that she would have to touch Giles' privates. Still, there was nothing for it. She fished around blindly between the surprisingly well-formed thighs to find what she needed to deal with. When she'd finished wiping the end, she couldn't help looking. It seemed very long.
"Holy moley, Batman!"
*****
Part 5
"Buffy?" Giles called. "Is everything quite all right?"
"Um...yeah, Giles. Just great. I'll be right down."
Buffy stood quickly and rearranged her trousers. At first, she tried to center all the genitalia over the center seams, but quickly found that was extremely uncomfortable. She stuffed them down the left leg. After all, Giles was the most left-handed person she'd ever met, so it seemed a likely solution.
She washed her hands and hurried down as quickly as she could without tripping over her suddenly large feet.
"See? Just fine. All dealt with and no problems at all. Well, I'm tired. Think I'll head for bed now. 'Night, Giles."
Giles pinched the bridge of his nose.
"You looked, didn't you?"
Buffy stopped and turned. She smiled sheepishly.
"It's not like I could help it, Giles. That's a lot of...stuff...to figure out what to do with."
"Buffy, it's okay. It's not as if you wanted to see that, I understand."
Giles went to shove his hands in his pockets only to discover the pants he had on didn't include that fashion feature. He settled for running his hand through his hair. Buffy sat down and looked at him sympathetically.
"I know. We should be all mature about this and realize it's just body parts and it doesn't really matter. But it's hard to think that way when it's your body parts. Or my body parts. I'm getting confused with what to call whose parts."
"That makes two of us."
"Look, Giles, I already peed with your body. Go ahead and take a shower. Just don't..."
"I know, don't touch anything I don't absolutely have to and keep my eyes shielded at all times."
Buffy laughed slightly.
"That, too. But what I was really gonna say was don't expect the Doublemeat smell to go away. It gets kinda stuck in the pores."
*****
Giles did his best not to look too closely as he undressed. Of course that did make the entire process somewhat problematical. The buttons on her blouse were on the wrong side, he couldn't find the closure on the pants at all for the longest time. Whose insane idea was it to put a trouser zip on the side, anyway?
And as for the bra, when he reached around to the back, there wasn't a clasp. After some moments of searching, he gave up and pulled it awkwardly off over his head.
Then he tried not to give in to the temptation to look down.
The problem only intensified as he slid the panties to the floor and stood naked in Buffy's body all alone in the bathroom.
He steeled his resolve and checked the water temperature before he got in the shower. A moment under the water proved to him that being short was a definite advantage when showering. He could now duck completely under the stream without bending his knees.
He sighed contentedly and picked up the soap.
It was easy dealing with washing his face and shoulders, but once he started to go lower, things became a bit problematical. He wanted to do a thorough job so Buffy's body would be as clean as he could make it, but that inevitably meant touching parts of her body she wouldn't want him to touch. Possibly even looking at them as well.
Well she'd already looked at parts of him she'd never shown any interest in before, so what was the difference?
"You know perfectly well what the difference is," he told himself. "You've been wanting an excuse to look at them for a very long time."
And Buffy had seemed so flustered by having seen his...parts. No doubt she'd been disgusted by the experience because it was him. After all, it wasn't as if she'd never seen a penis before. She'd had lovers. She'd been to bed with at least Angel and Riley. And there was that time he'd been in her dorm room when she came home early in the morning with a ridiculous story about having been in the library all Saturday night. She'd clearly been either at a party or on a date. A date where she'd stayed out all night. That meant there'd been at least three men.
No, the problem wasn't shyness or inexperience. It had to be his body that she found unappealing.
"Well what did you expect, Giles?" he asked himself. "Did you really think she'd take one look and start turning cartwheels for joy?"
He began to scrub harder. Surely the fragrance of hamburgers couldn't cling that stubbornly to the human body if she was cleaning herself properly. He put the soap away and reached for the fruit scented body scrub. This would do the trick, no doubt.
*****
Ten minutes later, the water was running tepid and Giles could still smell burger meat through the scent of guava.
Maybe it was as bad as Buffy said after all.
He sighed and turned off the taps.
He decided to dry off and go to the kitchen for a snack.
After all, while he couldn't fix the aroma from her job, he could at least do something about the amount of weight she'd lost recently. She'd gotten too thin by half and it was time something was done about it.
Besides, it had been a long time since concerns about cholesterol and excess weight had put an end to his greasy fry-ups. A few sausages would be lovely just about now.
*****
While Giles showered, Buffy rummaged through his luggage for something to wear to sleep in. Giles had been right; his body was tired and needed rest. And Buffy's mind was still reeling from the sudden change. It wanted to run away. The combination made for one sleepy...not quite Slayer. Clearly none of her enhanced senses had made the jump into the new body.
"Giles gets all the breaks," she mumbled unhappily as she sorted clothes. "His brains and my superpowers are all in the same place now. Who needs me? And what do I get out of this? A dick. Okay, a big dick. A really impressively big dick. But still, just a dick. It's not like I'm gonna be using it to do anything but pee, anyway. And I swear Giles has the worst taste in clothes of anybody I've ever met! Would it be too much to ask for a shirt that doesn't look like it was designed by Helen Keller? And moss green cords? Please! The AV club would have laughed at someone wearing those in high school."
A sudden thought sent one hand exploring the pockets of the trousers she had on. She found Giles' wallet quickly and opened it up.
"Platinum Visa, huh? Now I know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. Giles, you're getting a makeover."
She stuffed the wallet away hurriedly when she heard footsteps on the stairs. She schooled her face into the picture of innocence before he got there.
"Hey, Giles. Nice shower?"
"Very. Though I still smell of hamburger. I was just going to get a snack."
"And I guess while you're doing that, I should make up the sofa for you to sleep on."
"Won't that look odd to the others?" he asked mildly.
"What do you mean?"
"If I sleep down here, it will look like you've given up your room to me. They'll want to know why."
"Oh. Right. Well, then you can have my bed and I guess I'll sleep down here. Then we can explain stuff in the morning."
"Fine. I warn you, though, your back won't be happy."
"Well what am I supposed to do? Sleep with you?"
Giles' eyes widened. So did Buffy's.
"I...well...I don't suppose we need to go quite that far, "Giles stuttered. "Look, I'll take the sofa. You take the bed. Please. And if Willow and Dawn have questions when they get back...well, I imagine I can find a way to answer them."
"You're sure?"
"Positive."
"Okay."
Giles turned in the direction of the kitchen. He stopped when Buffy called him.
"Oh Giles? Could you tell me something before I go to bed?"
"What did you want to know?"
Buffy gestured to the suitcase.
"What do you wear to sleep in?"
He came over and rooted about until he found a black tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants.
"These should do the trick. Is there anything else you need?"
Buffy took the proffered clothes and hugged them to her chest. She shook her head. Giles placed a comforting hand on her arm.
"We'll find the answer, Buffy."
"And if we don't?"
"We'll find it," he reiterated. "We'll get this sorted out."
Buffy blinked hard and nodded silently. She managed a half smile then turned and went up the stairs without another word. Giles watched her go, his brow furrowed with concern. At last he sighed and went into the kitchen.
*****