Part 2 of The Undiscovered Soul series
Fallen from Graceland
by: Miss Witch
Rated PG-13
Summary: Buffy's point of view after The Bargaining.
Disclaimer: You know the drill. I own nothing of the Buffyverse and don't pretend to. I also make no claims to the songs used in this series. The only thing I can lay claim to is my unhealthy obsession with ASH and Richie Sambora. (Just two of the many)
Spoilers: Season 6 in general. Bargaining through After Life, specifically for this part. And, well, if you don't know that Buffy was brought back from the dead by now… Where are you living, under a rock?
Distribution: If you've had my permission before, knock yourself out. If you don't have my permission, you've just to ask.
Feedback: For the love of Pete, do I have to beg? 'Cause I will, don't think I won't.
Author's Note: For the sake of my story, I've changed the timeline a bit. Willow did not resurrect Buffy the same day that Giles left. For the purposes of the story, (which will be explained in the next part) it's been about a month since Giles left.
Direct dialogue was garnered from buffyworld.com. However, in most cases, I altered or shortened dialogue, just because, well, the point wasn't to rehash the entire episode.
This is the second in a several part series that describes my version of events before and after Buffy's resurrection in Season 6. Each part is inspired by a different song off the Richie Sambora album "Undiscovered Soul" The lyrics to the song that inspired each part can be found at the end of the each story.
Buffy stared at her reflection in the mirror, unable to form a single coherent thought. The white shirt she wore was unbuttoned and Buffy could see the camisole Dawn had helped her into underneath. [Dawn. Sister.] Memories flashed through Buffy's mind, bright and harsh. Buffy flinched, unable to connect them to anything. [Too bright. Too fast.]
Dawn turned toward her, a warm washcloth in her hand. Hesitating at first, she began to wipe gently at Buffy's neck.
"There you are." she said with a nervous laugh. "Knew you were under that dirt somewhere." Buffy continued to stare blankly into the distance, trying to cope with all the sensations bombarding her. She could hear Dawn talking to her and feel the washcloth against her neck. It took every ounce of willpower not to jerk away from the rough material. Buffy heard her sister speaking to her again, and realized that she was gesturing towards her. Unsure of what Dawn was pointing at, Buffy glanced down. Her gaze was immediately captured by her bloody hands. Memories of beating against the lid of the coffin, of digging through the dirt that covered her, flashed through Buffy's mind. Buffy snatched her hands away, placing them behind her back as Dawn reached for them.
Unable to bear the memories any more, Buffy turned on her heel and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Dawn behind. Following her instincts, Buffy went to the one room in the house where she had always found solace. Pushing open the door, Buffy froze in her tracks. It was so different, so unlike her memories.
"Mom's room." Dawn said from behind her. "It's really different now, I know." she explained. "Willow and Tara live here now." Buffy looked around the room, a feeling akin to panic rising in her chest. She turned to leave, but Dawn stepped in front of her, blocking her way.
"Wanna stop that?" Dawn asked hopefully. "We could sit and talk." she suggested. Buffy looked around and shrugged listlessly. It wasn't what she wanted, but it would have to do.
"What else is different?" Buffy demanded suddenly, seeming staring at some point over Dawn's shoulder. Dawn looked startled by this, but gamely tried to answer Buffy's question.
"Um, let's see. Giles is gone." Dawn launched into an explanation of Giles departure, but Buffy wasn't listening. At the mention of Giles name, images flooded her brain. Images of holding hands with Giles, of kissing and making love with him. Buffy shook her head sharply. [That never happened.] she thought. [Why do I have memories of things that never happened?]
"….We'll call him. Well, someone will." Dawn was assuring her.
"What will you tell him?" Buffy murmured, more to herself than to Dawn. The sound of a door opening downstairs startled Buffy. "What was that?" she asked, looking around for any possible escape route.
"It's ok." Dawn reassured her as Spike called her name. "It's just Spike." Turning, Dawn leaned into the hallway. "I'm here!" she called down to Spike. Dawn looked over her shoulder at Buffy, then headed for the living room. Buffy trailed slowly behind her.
As she walked towards the stairs, Buffy could hear a voice below, yelling at Dawn. Inwardly, she cringed at the anger that colored the words. At the same time, though, her heart leapt at the accent the voice carried. [Giles!] she thought excitedly, her pulse racing. Her pace quickening, Buffy ran to the top of the stairs. But instead of the solid figure of her bespectacled Watcher, Buffy saw a tall, lanky man with platinum hair at the bottom of the steps.
Disappointment crashed over Buffy, even as the man stared up at her. For just a moment, Buffy had been able to recapture the happiness she'd known in Heaven. But now… Now it was lost again.
Sighing, Buffy warily descended the stairs, staring at the blonde man. [Spike.] her brain provided. [Vampire.] Spike was staring up at her in wonder. Buffy could feel the waves of disbelief, hope and something else rolling off of him.
"What did you do?" she heard him ask Dawn, accusingly. Dawn recoiled defensively.
"Me?" she squeaked. "Nothing." Buffy wanted to cover her ears and scream. [Why are they fighting over me? Please stop fighting!] Looking down, Buffy suddenly realized that her shirt was still unbuttoned and she slowly, carefully began to button it. When she looked up, Buffy found Spike staring at her. Buffy carefully buttoned the shirt all the way to the top.
"Her hands." Spike said to Dawn. Uncomfortable with the reminders of her awakening, Buffy dropped her hands and hid them behind her back as Dawn explained that she had been going to fix them.
"Clawed your way out of the coffin, didn't you?" Spike asked Buffy gently. Buffy winced and looked away.
"Yeah," she admitted softly. "that's what I had to do." Once again, the memories of being trapped in the coffin, of beating on the lid, trying to escape flashed behind her eyes.
"We'll take care of you." Spike assured her softly, leading her into the living room. Buffy allowed him to guide her, too overwhelmed to argue. "Get some stuff." Spike ordered Dawn. "Mercurochrome, bandages." Dawn nodded and rushed off to get the supplies.
Buffy sat listlessly on the sofa, perched on the edge of the cushions. Spike sat across from her, taking her hands in his. Shocked by the contact of his cool hands, Buffy looked up at him.
"How long was I gone?" she asked, suddenly overwhelmed with curiosity.
"Hundred forty seven days, yesterday." Spike told her instantly. "Uh… hundred forty eight today." Spike smiled a little. "'Cept today doesn't count, does it?" he teased.
[A hundred forty seven days.] Buffy thought in wonder. [Why? Why after all that time?]
"How long was it for you, where you were?" Spike asked awkwardly. Buffy blinked at him.
"Longer." was all she said. [Not long enough.] she thought. Dawn rushed into the living room, her arms filled with medical supplies.
"Got the stuff." she said. At the same time, the front door burst open, a group of people pouring into the house. Buffy cringed away from the sudden burst of noise and activity.
"Is she here?"
"She's here!"
"You're here."
The voices all ran together in Buffy's mind, and she didn't even try to keep the conversation straight. They were all talking too fast and on top of each other, making it impossible to keep track of who said what. Slowly, she stood, feeling slightly desperate to be away from here, away from these people. [Stop talking!!] The words screamed in Buffy's head. [What do they want from me?] she thought. The barrage of questions didn't stop, and Buffy sat back on down on the couch, unable to take everything in.
"Hey! Back off!" Dawn yelled at the group. Buffy closed her eyes thankfully as silence descended on the room. [Too loud. Everything is too loud.] Vaguely, Buffy listened as Dawn questioned Willow about the spell. "Is she going to be ok?" Dawn demanded.
"I'm ok." Buffy said softly, drawing everyone's attention. Buffy immediately wished that she hadn't spoken, as they all crowded around her. Like Spike, she could feel the desperation and hope that emanated from them. Swallowing, Buffy spoke again. "I'm going to be fine. I remember. You brought me back."
"What was it like?" Anya demanded to know. Buffy recoiled from her, shaking her head.
"I… I can't." she whispered. [How could she possibly tell them?] Buffy was lost in a sea of emotion. Thankfully, Xander jumped to her rescue.
"It's ok. You don't have to talk about this, Buff." he said, a little anxiously. "Hey, do you want something? Anything. Pizza. I'll get you pizza." The rest of the group clutched this suggestion like a lifeline, spurring another round of everyone talking at once and arguing.
"Guys! Back off!" Dawn said sharply, seeing the unease on Buffy's face. Once again, there was a moment of blissful silence.
"Dawn's right." Willow said finally. "We should just be quiet and let Buffy tell us what she needs." Everyone turned and looked expectantly at Buffy.
[Send me back!] Buffy looked at their eager, expectant faces and was unable to deal with it any more. She stood suddenly.
"I… I think I… I just wanna go to sleep." she told them softly. Tara nodded.
"That's a good idea. You should sleep." she agreed. Willow nodded her agreement.
"Right, long day." she said. Willow turned to Buffy eagerly, a huge smile on her face. "But, Buffy, be happy. We got you out. We really did it."
[You stupid bitch!] Buffy thought, angrily. [You have no idea what you've done.] It took every ounce of willpower Buffy had not to slap the redhead across the face.
"Tired." was all she said.
"Well, yeah." Anya said. "I mean… jetlag from hell has gotta be, you know, jetlag from hell." Ignoring her, Buffy turned to Dawn.
"My room is still…?" Dawn nodded.
"Yeah, it's still your room." she assured Buffy. With a small nod, Buffy turned and walked from the room, climbing the stairs. Downstairs, she could hear the silence that had followed her exit. She also heard them all start talking again, when they thought she was out of earshot. Thankfully, Buffy couldn't make out the actual words, just the murmur of their voices.
Buffy shut the door of her room, blanking out even the faint murmur from downstairs. Foregoing the lights, Buffy welcomed the darkness that surrounded her like a cocoon. She carefully sat on the edge of her bed, staring blankly at the wall as she tried to cope with the events of the day.
With a great effort, Buffy stilled the thoughts running rampant through her mind. One by one, she tried to put them in some semblance of order. By far, Buffy's strongest emotion and thought was the desire to go back, to not be here. Everything was so harsh, so hard, so bright. It was so unlike heaven. [Giles would know what to do.] Buffy thought vaguely. Giles would never expect her to come back from the dead and be who she was before. Giles would understand. Buffy wished he was here to take care of her, to shield her from Dawn's quiet desperation, Spike's desire for her and the gang's thinly veiled eagerness for approval for what they'd done to her.
The house grew quiet as Buffy remained motionless on the bed. She could hear the quiet sounds of the other occupants preparing for bed. Standing, Buffy moved to her nightstand and picked up a picture of her, Willow and Xander. She studied it for a moment before setting it back down. Buffy walked to the wall where pictures of her and the gang were tacked up. Willow and Anya. Her, Willow and Anya. Her and Xander. Buffy looked at all the pictures, studying the faces, as if they held the answers she sought. Suddenly, the light changed and all the smiling faces became grinning skulls. Horrified, Buffy closed her eyes, willing the images to go away. After a moment, she opened them again, relieved to find her vision back to normal.
Exhausted from her ordeal, Buffy slowly turned back to the bed. Still dressed, she slid between the sheets. Buffy stared up at the ceiling, and her last thought before falling into a restless slumber was:
[This is hell. I've been sent to hell.]
Fallen From Graceland
R.Sambora
There's a line that you cross
When you find out that you're lost
When your world is closing in
And it crawls under your skin
And the heart's always blind
When it's in this state of mind
There's a burning light in this town
For every heart that's broken down tonight
Here tonight
You're stranded out there in the rain
And you just can't see past the pain tonight
You've fallen from graceland
Fallen from graceland
When you're too proud to crawl
It keeps you back against the wall
You wanna die, but you live
With nothing left to give
And there's no place to hide
When you're tangled up inside
There's a burning light in this town
For every heart that's broken down tonight
Here tonight
You're stranded out there in the rain
But you just can't see past the pain tonight
You've fallen from graceland
And there's no place to hide
When you're tangled up inside
There's a burning light in this town
For every heart that's broken down tonight
Here tonight
You've stranded out there in the rain
But you just can't see past the pain tonight
You've fallen from graceland
Fallen you've fallen from graceland tonight
Fallen, fallen, fallen, fallen from graceland
and Tonight
There's a light
A bright light burning
For every broken heart in this world tonight
Deep inside
Yes, there's one light burning
That will lead you through the storm tonight
It's gonna be alright
Be alright, yeah
Gonna be alright, yeah
It's gonna be alright
(oh, it's gonna be alright, tonight)