Part 4 of The Undiscovered Soul series
All that Really Matters
by: Miss Witch
Rated R
Summary: Giles knows Buffy was in Heaven. Buffy knows Giles knows. Now what's gonna happen?
Disclaimer: You know the drill. I own nothing of the Buffyverse and don't pretend to. I also make no claims to the songs used in this series. The only thing I can lay claim to is my unhealthy obsession with ASH and Richie Sambora. (Just two of the many) And yeah, I stole the line from tonight's Angel ep.
Spoilers: Season 6 in general. This takes place after Flooded and pretty much goes AU from there.
Distribution: If you've had my permission before, knock yourself out. If you don't have my permission, you've just to ask.
Feedback: For the love of Pete, do I have to beg? 'Cause I will, don't think I won't.
Buffy sighed as the bus rumbled on the highway, returning her to Sunnydale. She could see her reflection in the dark window as she stared into the dark night sky. The guy sitting next to her had tried to strike up a conversation when she'd first sat down. He'd quickly abandoned that course of action after she'd pinned him with a steely gaze she'd learned from Giles.
[Giles.]
Just the thought of Giles sent Buffy's brain into overdrive. Every time she thought she'd gotten it all straightened out in her head, something happened to send everything whirling and twirling again.
It'd seemed so simple that morning. Giles knew she'd been in Heaven. He'd been the only one to actually think to check. Buffy smiled softly, tears filling her eyes. How like him, to worry about her, even in death.
Once he'd told her about the spell, about searching for her, the memories had come rushing back. Memories that Buffy had desperately tried to repress. Not just because they'd reminded her of the peace and happiness of heaven, but because they'd left her confused. Buffy understood now that there was no need to hide in Heaven, not even from yourself. The feelings she'd been so afraid to tell Giles and the others about before her death had been easily revealed in heaven.
Instinctually, she knew that Giles loved her. Closing her eyes, she easily conjured the memory of his visit to her and could still feel his love for her. Opening her eyes, Buffy stared at the window again. It had all been so simple when she'd been dead, the barriers between them gone. But she wasn't dead, and the barriers were back. Her own jumbled feelings and the lingering trauma of her return certainly weren't helping matters.
It hadn't helped that she'd gone running off to see Angel that morning. Buffy shook her head. [The plan had made sense at the time.] she thought ruefully. Buffy wasn't sure what she'd expected to happen, but she definitely hadn't been prepared for the reality of their meeting.
Sighing, Buffy closed her eyes, trying to rehearse what she was going to say to Giles when she got home.
Giles lay on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling, wondering where Buffy was right now. The room was dark except for the light that streamed in from the street lamps, providing enough light that Giles could easily make out objects in the room. Giles wished Buffy would come home so that he could sleep. Second night back, and it was like he'd never left. He was still waiting up for her to make sure she was safe. Rolling onto his side, Giles punched the pillow to fluff it. He didn't know why he was bothering. He wouldn't sleep until she was home, and he had no idea if she'd even be back that night.
After Buffy had left to meet Angel, Giles had had plenty of time to ponder the consequences of their conversation the night before. Certainly, Buffy hadn't seemed angry this morning. But, Buffy was like the sea, her moods could change from minute to minute.
Was she angry? he wondered. Upset? Did she feel that he used her, overstepped his bounds? Maybe she was happy, glad to have everything out in the open. Giles shook his head to clear his thoughts, and flopped onto his back again in frustration. His thoughts were just going around in circles, and it was driving him quietly mad.
The scrape of a key in the lock drew his attention to the door. He listened as the locks clicked back and the door swung open then shut. Giles gave a quiet sigh as the locks were sent home again. [She was home.] he thought in relief. He closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep, as her soft footsteps moved toward the living room.
Buffy moved quietly into the living room, stopping next to the couch. Giles lay with his eyes closed, his breathing deep and steady.
"I know you're awake." she said softly. Immediately, his eyes opened, meeting hers.
"How did you know?" Giles asked, curiously. He could see Buffy smile in the dim light.
"Nobody is that tense while they're sleeping." she whispered. Dropping her purse, and shucking off her jacket, Buffy crouched down so that she was at eye level with him. "Can we talk?" she asked softly. Giles pulled himself into a sitting position, moving his feet to the floor.
"Of course." he said, reaching for his glasses. Buffy smiled at the familiar response. Settling onto the couch next to him, she sat Indian style so that she could look at him.
For a moment there was silence, and Buffy was reminded of the day before in the Magic Box, when neither had known what to say to each other. She knew that just like then, she would have to make the first move.
"Are you mad?" she asked softly. It hadn't been what she'd planned on starting with, but Buffy supposed it was as good of a start as anything. In the dim light, she could see the emotions playing over Giles' face.
"I don't think 'mad' is the proper description." he said after a moment. A smile played at his lips. "Concerned, worried, apprehensive, yes. Mad? No." Buffy cocked her head.
"Don't all those words mean the same thing?" she pointed out. Giles nodded.
"I suppose they do." Buffy nodded. [Ok, so, not mad at me.] she thought. [But not happy either.]
"I'm sorry about this morning." she told him. "It just seemed so important at the time."
"How is Angel?" Giles asked. Buffy recognized this as an acceptance of her apology.
"He's good. Looks the same. Still a vampire." she told Giles. She watched Giles intently as she spoke her next sentence. "He kissed me hello." [God, how could his face go so blank so fast?] Buffy wondered as the shutters came down on Giles' face. He stared straight ahead and she saw him swallow several times before he spoke again, his voice carefully neutral.
"I see. Then the two of you…"
"Will never be locking lips again." she interrupted. Giles turned to look at her in surprise, his eyes wide.
"Wh… what?" he stammered. [She was almost unbearably close.] Giles thought, looking down on her face. Memories of kisses shared in his dreams filled his head. All he had to do was bend down a few inches, and his mouth would be covering hers.
Buffy's breath caught as Giles stared at her intently. It was a look familiar to her from her time in Heaven. There had been times when he'd look at her like that just before he… before he kissed her. [He's thinking about kissing me!] Buffy thought excitedly. She leaned forward, shivering in anticipation. When Angel had seen her, he'd swept her into his arms and kissed her before she could respond. The kiss had had a comforting familiarity to it, but it was cold and without any of the passion she remembered. Because she found herself comparing it to the kisses she remembered Giles giving her.
Giles saw Buffy shudder and turned away, mistaking it for a sign of disgust. [Now I know.] he thought regretfully. [Now I know how she feels about me.]
[No!] Buffy's mind screamed. [Kiss me, damn it! I need to know if it was really real or just my imagination.]
"You've had a long day." Giles said softy, staring at his hands. "You should probably go up to bed." Hurt, Buffy nodded mutely and pushed herself up from the couch.
"Fine." she whispered as she walked away. Her back ramrod straight, Buffy strode through the doorway that led to the foyer. She had one foot on the bottom step, when she stopped. [What the hell am I doing?] Buffy took a deep breath and moved back to the living room, pausing in the shadows of the entranceway.
Giles was sitting, hunched over, elbows resting on his knees with his face buried in his hands. Silently, Buffy slipped back into the room, standing in front of him. Frantically, Buffy searched her mind for the right words. Finding none, she simply reached out and ran her hand over his hair. Surprised, Giles jerked upright, and Buffy pulled her hand back as if it had been burned.
Giles looked up at her, his eyes searching hers. Slowly, he stood, never breaking eye contact. Buffy's gaze followed his, completely enraptured by the promises she saw there.
Slowly, giving Buffy time to back away, Giles brought his hand up and cupped her cheek. Transfixed, Buffy waited breathlessly as he slowly leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Buffy closed her eyes as his lips covered hers. She fisted her hands in the t-shirt Giles had worn to bed, preventing him from moving away.
Giles had no intention of letting Buffy go. The second she responded to his kiss, he'd been lost. His free hand slid around Buffy's waist, pulling her closer as his mouth ravaged hers, his tongue plunging between her lips.
Buffy opened her mouth wider, allowing Giles better access. Her tongue snaked out and met his, caressing and dueling with it. She groaned even as she gasped for air. Buffy wound one of her arms around Giles' neck, holding him to her as tightly as possible.
The intensity of the kiss was almost as overwhelming as the familiarity. Buffy knew, just knew, that if she were to slide her mouth along Giles' jaw and nip his neck just below his ear, he would…
[Yup.] Buffy thought, pleased with herself as Giles gave a low moan of pleasure. [That's what he'd do.] Buffy moved her mouth down Giles' neck, to his collarbone, licking as she went.
"Buffy." Giles murmured. He caught her chin between his fingers and tipped it up so that she was looking at him. "Buffy, let me make love to you."
Buffy swallowed nervously. She'd know when she'd walked back into the living room that this was where her decision would lead. Where she had wanted it to go. That didn't mean that the thought of actually going through with this didn't scare the hell out of her.
Giles sensed Buffy's hesitation and loosened his grip on her. Panicked that Giles would change his mind, Buffy tightened hers.
"No!" she protested. Inhaling deeply, she continued, slightly calmer. "I mean, I want to… want you to…" Buffy cleared her throat nervously. "I'm so in love with you." she whispered. "But I'm so scared."
Never had Giles ever expected to hear those words from Buffy, and they moved him, emotionally. Gently, he placed a kiss on her forehead.
"What ever you want." he promised, his lips a whisper against her skin. "Just tell me what you want." Buffy closed her eyes.
"I want…" Much to her disgust, her voice quivered, and she stopped to pull herself together. "I want to make love with you." Buffy said, her voice stronger. "I want to make the life we had in your dream a reality." For a moment, Giles was motionless. He'd even stopped breathing, which frightened Buffy a bit. She shook him gently. "Giles?"
Snapping out of his daze, Giles took a deep breath and pulled Buffy even closer. How could he explain the joy he'd felt at her words.
"Not here." he said, inclining his head toward the couch. Buffy smiled and loosened her death grip on his shirt. She moved out of his embrace and caught his hand in hers.
"C'mon." she urged gently, tugging him toward the stair. Giles allowed Buffy to lead him upstairs, to her bedroom. Buffy pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him. She snapped the lock before turning to face him. "I don't want any interruptions." Buffy told him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling Giles close.
Buffy murmured happily in her sleep, snuggling close to Giles. Giles smiled to himself, even as he ran his hand over her hair. It had been quite a change to wake up and realize for the first time that his night with Buffy hadn't been a dream.
"Mine." he said quietly. "You're mine forever."
"Not if this talking first thing in the morning thing keeps up." Buffy murmured sleepily. Lifting her head from his chest, she smiled at him. "Morning." she said, laying her lips on his. Giles kissed her back, rolling her onto her back.
"Good morning." he greeted as he leaned over her. Buffy propped her head up on her hand, her elbow on the mattress. "How do you feel?" he asked. Buffy smiled, her first real smile since she'd been resurrected.
"Alive." she said. "Happy. Glad to be alive. Hungry."
Dawn yawned as she cantered down the stairs. [Giles is up.] she thought as she walked passed the living room, noting the empty couch. Padding to the kitchen, she was surprised when she found only Tara and Willow there.
"Where's Giles?" she asked the girls, sleepily. Willow and Tara exchanged worried looks.
"We don't know, sweetie." Tara said, quietly. "He wasn't there when we got up."
"Maybe…" Willow started. "Maybe he went for a jog or something." she suggested. Dawn looked a little panicked.
"You don't think he left, do you?" she asked. Tara shook her head.
"No, no." she assured. "All of his stuff is still here."
"Morning guys!" Buffy said, bouncing into the kitchen. Tara, Willow and Dawn stared at her in amazement as she started rummaging through the refrigerator.
"That must've been some meeting with Angel." Dawn said, commenting on Buffy's cheery mood. Buffy frowned.
"Not really." she said, pouring herself a glass of juice. Meanwhile, Willow was staring at the clothes Buffy was wearing.
"Um, Buffy," Willow began cautiously. "isn't that Giles' shirt?" Tara and Dawn immediately studied the shirt. Buffy nodded as she drank her juice.
"Yup. It's not like he needs it." she said cheerfully. A panicked expression crossed Tara's face.
"You didn't kill him, did you?" she stuttered. Buffy turned and looked at her as if Tara had gone insane.
"Good morning everyone." Giles yawned as he wandered into the kitchen. Willow had to admit that Buffy was right. Giles didn't need the shirt. His wide shoulders tapered into a lean waist, where his pajama bottoms hung loosely from his hips. Dawn looked at the shirtless Watcher to her sister, the wheels in her brain turning.
"Oh my God!" she shouted. "You and Giles?" Dawn's voice rose with each word. Willow jumped off her stool.
"Now, Dawn, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation." she said, trying to calm the teenager. Willow turned to Buffy. "There's a perfectly good explanation, right?" Buffy nodded.
"Of course there is. Giles and I had sex last night." Giles cringed at her sentence as Dawn clapped her hands over her ears.
"What? Are you channeling Anya or something?" Dawn demanded in horror.
"Buffy," Giles said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I thought we'd agreed to break it to them gently." Buffy whirled to face him, a spark of fire in her eyes. Willow gasped. Ever since her resurrection, Buffy's eyes had been flat and empty. How was it that Giles had been able to restore that fire when Willow hadn't been able to? Sex? Buffy had sex and was all better? Willow couldn't believe that to be true.
"I'm going to be scarred for life." Dawn mumbled. Giles reached out and rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.
"Maybe you should go upstairs." he suggested. Dawn nodded and, still mumbling, left the kitchen. Giles had just turned back to face Buffy when Dawn came back through the swinging door. Plowing into Giles, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed tightly.
"Thanks for bringing Buffy back." she whispered, before dashing off. Stunned into speechlessness, Giles watched her go. As he turned back to Buffy, he took off his glasses. He went to clean them on his shirt before remembering he wasn't wearing one. He walked to the sink and used the towel.
Buffy smiled as she watched Giles. She could tell he was pleased beyond words by her sister's actions. Buffy had to admit, she was pretty pleased herself. It meant that despite what she had said, Dawn was ok with her and Giles being together.
"Buffy, what's going on?" Willow demanded, her voice fraught with uncertainty. "Are you ok?" Buffy grinned.
"Never better." she said, sassily. It was true. Buffy hadn't felt this good since she'd been ripped out of Heaven. Finally, she felt complete. Giles had restored a piece of heaven to her. She could never pay him back for that.
But with the return of her soul, came the return of her temper. Anger over the fact that Willow had taken it upon herself to make a decision that wasn't hers to make washed through her.
"Buffy." Giles said, a note of warning in his voice. He replaced his glasses, and stood next to her. "Be nice." Buffy pouted, sticking out her lower lip.
"Fine." she whispered. Taking a deep breath, she took his hand in her. "Giles and I are a couple now." she told Willow and Tara. Tara smiled, her face brightening with joy.
"Buffy, that's wonderful." she said. "Isn't it wonderful, sweetie?" Tara asked turning to Willow. Willow didn't look like she thought it was wonderful. In fact, Willow was fuming.
"I don't get it." Willow spat, her anger surprising Tara. "You've moped around here for a month. He's back for 2 nights and now you're all chipper. Should we behold the power of the penis?" Willow demanded sarcastically. Buffy's eyes flashed with fury as she took a step towards Willow, her hands out to her sides.
"You wanna go Glinda?" Buffy challenged. Willow's eyes snapped with anger as she moved toward Buffy.
"Don't tempt me." she growled.
"Enough." Giles declared, his voice commanding. Nonplussed, Buffy and Willow turned to look at him. "You." he said, pointing at Willow, "Sit down." Giles pointed at Buffy. "You. Go over there." Giles gestured to the opposite side of the room. Her temper simmering, Buffy did as she was instructed, as did Willow. Tara looked back and forth at the two combatants, alarmed by the turn of events.
"Giles?" she questioned, her voice quivering with concern. Giles smiled comfortingly at her.
"It's ok, Tara." he reassured. "Buffy and Willow have some issues to face. You better sit down for this." Nodding, Tara warily started to sit next to Willow. "Um, you probably don't want to be near her for this." Giles suggested. Horrified, Tara stared at him for a moment, before taking a seat across the room. Whatever was about to happen wasn't going to be good.
Once Tara had settled into a chair a safe distance away, Giles' gaze swiveled between the two seething women. Buffy stood with her back to the wall, arms crossed over her chest. She glared angrily at Willow. Willow returned the glare, her hands fisted in her lap.
"Willow," Giles said softly. "I told you that there were consequences for your actions. I'm afraid you're about to deal with them." He turned to Buffy. "As appalled as I am by Willow's actions, she was following her heart. And I can't help but be grateful because it brought you back to me. Remember that." he said. Buffy looked up into Giles' expressive green eyes and felt her heart melt.
"I'll remember." she promised. Satisfied, he stepped back. "Tell Willow where you were." Giles walked away, standing next to Tara. Buffy moved forward, dropping her arms to her sides.
"There was no pain." Buffy said sadly. "No fear, no doubt." A look of horror bloomed on Willow's face as understanding dawned. Buffy looked Willow in the eye. "At least, not until you pulled me out." Tara gasped, silent tears running down her cheeks. "I was in Heaven." Buffy said accusingly. "The reward for a job well done, and you cast me out. Dragged me into hell." Buffy stopped, taking a deep breath as the emotions threatened to overwhelm her.
"How was I supposed to know?" Willow demanded defensively. "How could I have known?"
"The Spell of Isis." Giles said quietly from across the room. Willow whirled around to face him.
"You knew." she accused. "You knew Buffy was in a heavenly dimension, and you didn't tell us." Giles raised an eyebrow.
"You never asked me." he said, matter of factly. "In fact, you were too busy giving orders and playing Jean Grey to bother about anyone else." Unable to argue, Willow turned back to Buffy.
"I didn't know." she said, her words hitching as she started to sob. "I'm so sorry." Willow buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't know." she sobbed over and over.
Buffy felt her anger ebb away at her friend's obvious dismay. Reaching out, she patted Willow's shoulder awkwardly. Buffy looked over at Giles, silently pleading for help.
Giles nudged Tara gently. Nodding, she stood and walked to her weeping lover and took Willow into her arms.
"I'm sorry." she whispered to Buffy as she led Willow from the room. Buffy nodded, the words going a long way to soothe her jagged emotions. Pushing away from the wall, Giles took Buffy into his arms.
"Will Willow be ok?" Buffy asked him softly, staring at the kitchen door. Giles kissed the top of her head.
"We'll get her some help, but I think she'll be ok." he said. Buffy nodded.
"It'll hurt them to know the truth." she whispered, snuggling against Giles' chest.
"Yes, but they'll survive. You did." Buffy smiled.
"Yes, I did." she said proudly. "Thank you." she said. Giles frowned.
"For what?" he asked. Buffy leaned back so she could see his face.
"For loving me enough to check on me in heaven. For coming home. Pretty much for everything."
"You're very welcome." Giles said, leaning down and pressing his lips to hers. Behind them, Xander pushed open the kitchen door open.
"Hey, Buff, have you seen…. Ahhh, my eyes, my eyes!" Buffy and Giles broke apart as Xander stumbled from the room. Buffy snickered as Xander howled in the next room.
"Well, at least we don't have to break the news to him now."
All That Really Matters
R.Sambora
When I look at you
you're beautiful
there comes a time in someone's life
when you find things that matter
and every time we touch
the love runs deep
we realize it's our to keep
and that's all that really matters.
You'll always be my sweet addiction
in this life my saving grace
you're all that really matters
you know it's true
ain't no me without you.
When you're in the dark
baby don't despair
I'm just a spark away
I will be there
and that's all that matters.
You'll always be my sweet addiction
in this life my saving grace
you're all that really matters
you know it's true
ain't no me without you.
We'll share our lives together
yes our flame burns on forever
and at the final curtain call
we can say we did it all.
Solo
You'll always be my sweet addiction
in this life my saving grace
you're all that really matters
you know it's true
ain't no me without you.
And when we turns to dust
and we fly away
there'll be a light still burning bright
and that's all that really matters.
The End